Thanks for the input--yeah, this is totally #wildmageproblems. I think Xan and Neera are kind of hilarious in a party together, and my philosophy is "more mages = more fun," so it's been a trip. I ended up going back to an earlier save for a number of reasons, but I followed that thread long enough to realize that yeah, looking like a drow is a much more significant turn-off for Xan than looking like a dude. Ah, elves.
I'm so enjoying this mod! He's really adorable as he gradually realizes that wait, maybe there is more than doom out there for him after all, and that freaks him out almost as much as the doom itself.