I'll give it a go, having read LotR umpty-ump times. Though I agree with Meira that you should probably bite the bullet and read the books--including the appendices.
I recently stayed up all night watching The Two Towers and Return of the King, and a lot of The Fellowship of the Ring (From the start of the fellowship and just about everything after). All of them being the Extended version, woof. 8 or 9 hours or something, party party! !:) Sooooo I have a few questions and stuffffff! !:D
1. Who are the Haradrim exactly, and why are they evil? It's a shame, I thought they looked super cool desert ninja-ey, and the oliphaunts were soooooo cute. Dey shoulda been good guys!
Hmm, whole lot of complicated history there. Short version, the men of Eastern and Southern part of the ME had long been controlled by Sauron, and also had long been enemies of Gondor. But from what Tolkien has Sam say in TTT (it's Faramir in the TTT EE) it's pretty clear that Tolkien doesn't think of Easterlings/Haradrim as *inherently* evil, but they had been under the sway of Sauron for thousands of years.
2. I heard that there were other good guys that showed up during the fight at Pelennor(?) Fields, in the book. Rangers, or something? Who were they? ? I wanted to see more Rangers. ;_;
Yep, as Alarielle said, a group of Aragorn's kinsmen and the twin sons of Elrond appear just before they go through the Paths of the Dead. They accompany A, L & G, through the PotD and then fight in the Battle of Pelennor Fields.
3. Why can Eowyn kill the Homey D Witch King of Angmar? I know she's "Not a man" as in "Not male" but didn't the Witch King (And Gandalf) mean "Man" as in "Human(s)?" Was it like that in the book? Because, dude...
That's why it's a prophecy, dude. It's gotta be cryptic and fulfilled in an unexpected way.
Of course, everyone thought that "man" meant "human", that was the trick. But also, in the book it is clear that Merry's participation was crucial. In FotR he picked up a sword forged by one of Aragorn's ancestors during their battles with the Witch-King of Angmar, and it had some special magic it that allowed the WK to be killed. Here's the text from the book:
"But glad would he have been to know its fate who wrought it slowly long ago in the North-kingdom when the Dunedain were young, and the chief among their foes as the dread realm of Angmar and its sorcerer king. No other blade, though mightier hands had wielded it, would have dealt a blow so bitter, cleaving the undead flesh, breaking the spell that knit his unseen sinews to his will."
Cool, huh?
4. How come Gandalf never laid some magical smackdown after the Balrog fight? Didn't he come back as a new hip mage guy? The only magic he did was an exorcism, and two light shows. No fireballs, or thunderbolts, or HOLYGODEXPLOSIONNNNNs. I don't mind not seeing those, but they would have been useful in all the fighting. Like BAMHOCUSPOCUS! And that Grond thing is turned inta dust!
Another long answer would be required to fully explain why Gandalf's 'magical' powers seem limited. For one thing, Tolkien's use of magic was never the flashy D&D stuff that most people associate with wizards. For another, Gandalf was specifically restricted by the Valar (the god-like beings who sent him to ME) from using his powers in that way. He was supposed to aid and inspire the people of ME to defeat Sauron, not go mano-a-mano with Sauron. In the book, all that happens is that Gandalf confronts the WK at the gates of Minas Tirith, but then the WK turns away when the Rohirrim arrive. The "knocked off horse and wand destroyed" stuff was pure PJ. Truth be told, I thought it made Gandalf look too weak, since he is inherently a *much* more powerful creature than the WK.
5. Did Gollum look like that in the book? Because I watched the Hobbit cartoon when I was a wee one, and Gollum looked way more pleasant. ;_; Kind of like the Heroes of Might and Magic 3 Troglodytes, except black and with a more pointed head. Yeahhh, that was cool. Now he looks... yowch. If he was like the Hobbit cartoon Gollum, I would have had a lot more fun in his scenes.
In a word, yes, at least in my imagination, and I think it the imagination of most other people who've read the books. Book Gollum was *not* cuddly or cute, but creepy and wretched, completely twisted by his long possession of the Ring.
6. Do the Ents ever find the Entwives? I hope so! The Ents were probably my favorite.
You have good taste; I adore Treebeard. As Alarielle said, we never find out, but it doesn't look good.
7. Who was Sauron, and why is he so mean?
Geez, how long do you want this post to be?
Here's the super-condensed version: Sauron, Gandalf and Saruman are all Maiar, powerful immortal spirit beings that have been embodied to look like mortal beings. (Maiar are one step below the Valar in power.) Waaaay back, not long after the creation of the world, Sauron was corrupted by Melkor, the evil Vala who became known as Morgoth, the Great Enemy, and became his most powerful servant. After Morgoth was defeated by the other Valar at the end of the First Age, Sauron disappeared for a time, then reappeared all ready to hang out his solo shingle as ME's resident Evil Overlord.
8. Whatever happens to Legolas and Gimli? Or... Eomer? Brego? Shadowfax? The Ents? The Eagles? Shelob? Am I missing anyone? I think Faramir and Eowyn get together, is that true? They should have had more ending scenes for the other characters. Toooooo much hobbit stuff.
Legolas: starts a colony of elves in Ithilien. Gimli: starts a colony of dwarves that dwell in the glittering caves behind Helm's Deep. As Alarielle said, after Aragorn dies, Legolas builds a ship to sail to the Undying Lands and takes Gimli with him. This is a *huge* deal, since although Legolas as a elf was welcome, very, very few mortals were allowed to travel to the Undying Lands. Rumor says that Galadriel intervened and asked that Gimli be allowed to come.
Eomer: becomes King of Rohan, maintains life-long friendship with Gondor and Aragorn. Happily-ever-after stuff.
Faramir & Eowyn: They get married, Faramir becomes Prince of Ithilien. More happily-ever-after stuff.
Others you mentioned: Tolkien never says explicitly.
Aren't you interested in what happens to Sam, Merry and Pippin?
9. Why did all the bad guys pack up and run away after the Sauron biggatower fell down? They could have won still, I think?
You mean other than the fact that the big-a$$ earthquake swallowed them up?
Actually, though it wasn't made obvious in the movie, the orcs & trolls were to a large degree driven by Sauron's will and when that was removed, they kinda lost the will to fight.
10. Where the dragons at?
As Alarielle said, pretty much gone by the time of the War of the Ring. They were created by Morgoth, and many died when he was defeated at the end of the First Age. Smaug was one of the few remaining ones.
11. Are the Rohan supposed to be better at fighting than the Gondorians? Because the Gondorians kind of... died, mostly.
I'm going to disagree with Alarielle here. Even though Gondor had declined from it's previous might, it was still a much more powerful and advanced country than Rohan. The advantage that Rohan had in this particular battle was simply its horses. Cavalry have a HUGE advantage over infantry in a situation like that, and coming down on Mordor's armies suddenly meant they could deal a devastating blow to them, even though they were vastly outnumbered.
12. Were there other continents and such, that had nothing to do with the big Sauron war? If not, Middle Earth seems like one small place, yow.
The area of ME that we see in the movies is about the size of Europe, but there are huge tracts of land to the East and South (where the Easterlings and Haradrim come from) that we do not see. So I'd guess we saw about 1/4 to 1/3 of the entire continent. In addition, there is another whole continent to the west, Aman, where the Valar dwell.
13. Are there female orcs?
Tolkien was silent on that particular point, however, he was pretty much a traditionalist, so I imagine he assumed orcs procreate in the old-fashioned way. The whole pod thing was a creation of PJ, but not one I have any problems with; after all, would you *want* to see an orc baby? Ewww.
14. Why did Theoden die!?!?!? ;_;
Hmm, I thought that one was obvious. His horse fell on him and crushed him. He says, "My body is broken" remember?
Hope that helps!
By the way, one of the reasons that I think Tolkien's work is so beloved is the incredible richness of the history of ME and its people. I love PJ's movies, but I think you really, really need to read the books to appreciate it for the incredible achievement that it is.