Author Topic: A Letter From Kelsey  (Read 3501 times)

Offline jcompton

  • Niche Exploiter
  • Administrator
  • Planewalker
  • *****
  • Posts: 7246
A Letter From Kelsey
« on: April 02, 2004, 11:40:28 AM »
 I had a very unusual e-mail in my box this evening...

Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 20:01:34
Subject: Thanks, but...

When you created me, I figured it would be a pretty good deal. You told me about Tron, and how computers have evolved since then, and you explained the basic plot of the game. It sounded like a neat place to be. And, of course, you told me that there were women clamoring for someone other than Anomen.

I would like to go on record and say that this has NOT exactly been everything advertised. I've been keeping a ledger of everything that has happened. (You did give me accounting skills, after all.)

Let's not even talk about the tens of thousands of times I've been killed in the middle of some random battle. That seems almost petty by comparison to the other, more specific things.

710: Times chunked by Lilla or some other random backstabbing assassin (I know, I know, you did your best to make Stoneskins obvious, but...)

1032: Number of times I've heard the player, through the screen, snickering about my "pink" robes. Look, you and I know they're not pink, but I think on the whole, it was just not the way to go.

191: Times Anomen has been chosen over me when he forces the issue. (This was NOT what I signed on for!)

83: Times I've killed Anomen during a romance conflict. Most of these were on one person's computer, in one afternoon. Very strange, but what could I do but go with the flow?

30: Times Anomen's killed me during a romance conflict.

6: Times Minsc, carrying that damn Silver Sword, has gone berzerk or been confused or whatever and decapitated me.

601: Times I've hit on Nalia and met with rejection. Do you have ANY idea how frustrating that is?

4000+: Times I've had that "spell turning" conversation with Edwin. Glad that bug is fixed, we were BOTH going to call the union.

141: Times I've caught Aerie giving me funny looks. Do you think she...likes me? I mean, she's a nice girl, but I'm not sure we'd really be right for each other...

37: Times my cloak has been stolen and given to a PC sorcerer. (This is offensive.)

52: Times my cloak has been stolen and given to Tashia. (This is REALLY galling!)

14: Times betrayed to Merritt or Ceara. (Why did they download me, then?)

329: Times turned down flat for LOVETALK 46. Ouch.

As for the number of times I've been, uh, accepted for LOVETALK 46...well, okay, I admit that the job HAS had its perks. It's a big number. But you know something? Sleeping with the would-be Slayer IS scary, I don't care if you gave me a line that says so or not!

Must be off now... let's just say that a reload is coming soon. Looks like this player is sending us after Firkraag cold. I don't even have a Blur up.

Some people...

- Kelsey
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!"