Author Topic: Comments on Late Night Musings  (Read 2483 times)

Offline coyo

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Comments on Late Night Musings
« on: May 15, 2010, 02:31:36 PM »
So... um... my first foray into BGII fanfic (I feel like that time I went after Firkraag and forgot to load Edwin up with offensive spells beforehand) and of course I had to nick my favorite Mod.. anyone have any comments, please tell me here, and don't be too harsh?

coyo
Boo is NOT ready to be a father. But now that I think about it, Boolets would be very cute...


I would hate being imprisoned in a bottle. It might depend somewhat on the type of bottle, but overall I expect the effect to be the same. It isn't right.

Offline jcompton

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Re: Comments on Late Night Musings
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2010, 11:09:06 PM »
Commenting has been slow the past, uh, year or two, but I did read this one!

I led myself down a false trail when you mentioned it was a Kelsey story--I sat here saying "The party is safe in the knowledge Kelsey is guarding them? I don't know if he would ever be their first choice..." That was my mistake, not yours.

I think stories like this work a little better when we have slightly more insight into the protagonist character and what sets them apart from the reader's own personal idea of "what <CHARNAME> is or should be." You do accomplish some of that, describing the characters through the PC's eyes. I just felt like I should know another thing or two about this person before the Big Finish.

ESL notes:

"To kiss those blue eyes" is an unusual metaphor. Was it intentional?

"earning the gratefulness" -- "earning the gratitude" is what you wanted here.
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!" http://www.pocketplane.net

 

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