I asked the ladies who wrote Faren and Nathaniel for their cooperation - if they agree, we'll have crossmod in one of the next versions(as I'm reluctant to write it on my own).
As for romancing Xan with a character who is not an elven female, this is relatively easy: get him to join, then open the console and type
CLUAConsole:SetGlobal("O#XanRomanceActive","GLOBAL",1)
for the non-bonded path(assumes you knew each other in BG1, but didn't romance each other), or
CLUAConsole:SetGlobal("O#XanRomanceActive","GLOBAL",2)
for the bonded path(assumes you became close in BG1).
He will call you a woman at times, though.
But all in all, I recommend friendship path for male characters - they become very, very close, and it's a deep relationship(although a bit confused at times) I think you might enjoy.
For Xan's Romance, I recommend playing BG1 NPC first - my first mod, Xan romance, is packed there. There're a few wonderful lovetalks and an extra quest by Domi, and all in all, EasyTutu with BG1 NPC is a great experience.
And thank you for the kind words - I enjoyed writing IWD NPC a great deal.