Author Topic: Thrown off Bhaal  (Read 3425 times)

Offline shiroryu

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Thrown off Bhaal
« on: December 14, 2007, 02:32:49 PM »
[ This is a parody fanfiction, starting with the Throne of Bhaal - just felt that it was more parodyable than SoA. ]

[ Mount Olympus ]

Lightning crashed over Mount Olympus, but there was no rain to accompany it. Ao was in the blackest of moods, and he seethed at Cyric's latest attempts to 'bring the mad funk' to Faerun. "You've gone too far, Cyric! Introducing that ugly 'rap' to the masses...have you gone mad?". Cyric was too busy jiving, though, and his easy pelvic-thrusting dodging of the thunderbolts Ao was calling forth did nothing to appease Ao's mood. "50 Gold? Li'l Jon Irenicus? Slim Shadowy Fiend?", he raged, "you've perverted the whole damn land of Faerun! I thought I had said NO INTERFERENCE!".

"Faerūn" , mumbled Cyric, continuing to jive.

"Whose bright idea was it to spike the Throne of Blood with tomato ketchup? It has unsettled the throne, and it's transforming the Matrix Force Source fabric of the world!"

----Prime Material Plane, Suldanesselar

 Asana looked at the verdant greenery that surrounded her. The forest was soothing, an oasis of peace after the war and strife that had torn her apart. Her palms still remembered the impact of striking Irenicus down in the Abyss. He had died a grisly death, she knew it. She knew not how, but a tenous link of her soul had probably carried Irenicus's final moments to her. A longer road to tread, now that Irenicus had gone.

She still didn't know where "You...you iced me!" had come from though.

She did regret her decision not to solo her adventure, however - weird things kept happening, almost as if the world had become a paro-

----------------OLYMPUSOS> delete <parody>

 She twitched - what had she been thinking? Something important for sure, but it was gone now.

 --------------- Ao sighed with relief. A close call.

--------------- Cyric clapped him on the back. "Ovrfddr, u r d uberhaxx0rz!!!". Ao smacked him back.

 Asana turned her attention to why she was here - Ellesime had told her that this was the place where she could get her questions answered.

 If she could get her party to quiet down. Lightning and rain beat a merry tango in the grove, and her party was not very happy.

Minsc was busy chopping down a tree with Lilarcor. The sword was protesting, claiming "Hey! I'm not an axe! I'm not an...". Then it heard Korgan scratching his behind with Stonefire, then Frostreaver.

"Ahh...there goes me pesky boil. That hot and cold thing you said worked great, Asana!" Lilarcor reconsidered, thought it was certainly better off.

 Minsc finished chopping, and the tree came down with a crash. Followed later by a smash on his head, the implement being Jaheira's quarterstaff. "WHAT KIND OF RANGER ARE YOU?", she screamed, "You don't cut down trees, you preserve them!!"

 "Now, now, Jaheira", began Anomen, "he must have good cause. Do you think Minsc is stupid?"

"Does a druid shit in the woods?" sniggered Jan.

{ / more to come}

 
"Kneel before the Lord Dragon, or you will be knelt." - Mazrim Taim, Wheel of Time

"Right. I had to get up at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down at the mill and pay the mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our mother and father would kill us and dance on our graves singing Halleluja. "

Offline shiroryu

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Re: Thrown off Bhaal
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2008, 02:12:17 PM »
"I suggest we begin walking towards where these... stones... will tell us what to do?" added Jaheira, pointedly ignoring the jibe.

"They must be Miniature Giant Space Stones, Boo thinks..." remarked Minsc.

Asana walked towards the nearest stone, bickering party in tow - and one of the stone's eyes lit up.

"AH SHIT...CALL TECH SUPPORT, THE OTHER HEADLIGHT AIN'T WORKING!!" boomed a voice. The party sweatdropped. A series of rumbled mutterings followed..."WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TURN IT OFF AND ON AGAIN?? IT IT WAS THAT SIMPLE...oh, it's working now...yes, yes, thank you. Thank you, Raju from Bangalore."

"Now...let's see...the Prophecy of Alaundo, page 456, paragraph 3..."

"AND WHEN THE CHILDREN OF BHALL WALK THE EARTH, THE FLESH GOLEM SHALL LIE DOWN WITH THE PALADIN.."

Jan twitched. "Hey, that's my line!"

"OOPS. WRONG ONE. THIS MUST BE IT:

NAY CHILD OF BHAAL, DESPAIR NOT, THE SCREECHY ONE IS NOT YOUR ONLY OPTION,
THY BUT MUST WAIT AND YOU WILL MEET DARK POETRY WITH TACTICAL COMBAT,
A WISPY ACCOUNTANT THY MUST RESCUE FROM CRAZED WENCH,
OR WAIT FOR MORE LOVERS TO COME OFF THE BENCH."

<TBC>
"Kneel before the Lord Dragon, or you will be knelt." - Mazrim Taim, Wheel of Time

"Right. I had to get up at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down at the mill and pay the mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our mother and father would kill us and dance on our graves singing Halleluja. "

 

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