Over the past year, people have increasingly made accounts, posts, PM's and the like towards my person, with the obvious purpose of bothering me and making fun of me. While I'll admit I'm not the nicest community member, nor the most mature one, this issue has been getting out of hand and I just want it to stop. I'm already keeping a low profile, but apparently that doesn't seem to work as well as it should.
*sighs softly* Sure, I've been angry. I've blown up at people in the community, and sometimes a bit too easily. I admit all that. But I don't think I deserve this hatred and disliking I get nowadays, wherever I go in the community. Perhaps I should elaborate a little.
Several community members have distinct personalities that clash with mine. They say and do heartless and cruel things, things that could have easily been solved in a much less hostile way. (I won't mention any names. They know who they are.) This angers me. Believe me, I've tried to ignore is as much I could, but after the umpteenth time, that anger eventually comes outwards to strike against the people who are the cause. At that point, many fingers are pointed at me.
"OMFG Moongaze is an evil ogre berserker!"
"We must hate him forever!"
"Anger can't be forgiven!"
"DIE MOONIE! DIE!!!"
"GO AWAY!"
"FOREVAR BANZORRED!"
"HAHA SO PATHETIC!"
...is the reaction to my anger. It's not right. I don't blow up without having a good reason to do so. But some people refuse to look at anything but my anger. They don't want to look at what makes me so angry. This is injustice, which is something that frustrates me endlessly.
If you're one who happens to be upset because of the whole Moonie-multiple-account thing, then I apologise. It is always wrong to lie, and I do understand if that makes me unforgiveable. Still, I had no harmful intentions. If anything, view it as a shield. Moongaze was disliked by quite an amount of people. To stay in the community and make mods to my heart's content, I needed a shield, a disguise, to be accepted again. A silent second chance, if you will. Though one that was foolish, as I came to realise after I quit. *shrugs a bit* I didn't mean any harm with it. How was I supposed to mend the damage I had apparently done, save leaving the community forever? People wouldn't have listened if I had tried to talk to them, and I've ignored everything up to the point where I couldn't anymore.
*sigh* I'm not an evil rampaging monster. I'm really quite sweet once you get to know me, you know? No, of course you don't know...
If you would look beyond my anger and my flaws, you would see a caring, understanding, forgiving, sweet and sensitive young man. I'm a bit oversensitive at times, I know. I don't have any harmful intentions, though. I never had, and I never will. It's just not me. I forgive quite easily, and my anger never stays long. I don't hold grudges.
My request is for everyone to stop trying to annoy me, hurt me, degrade me, or make fun of me. I don't want any more problems, and I don't deserve a constant grudge and hatred for as long as I remain in the community. Just stop it. Treat me in a normal, social way. Treat me as a friend. But don't treat me as if I'm a war criminal or an evil ogre or something. If you can't let go of your spite, then just ignore me. Just don't keep spitting venom into my face. Enough is enough.
I make no promises for how long I'll stay in the community, or the progress of my mods. Knowing my previous experiences with hostile forum environments, I'll probably just disappear unannounced one day, and my feelings tell me that day isn't too far off.
I know this sounds like I believe everyone in the community resents me. While I admit it does feel like that at times, I know it's not true. If you carry no grudge, spite, hatred or disliking for me, I am glad, and this message was not intended for you. ^^
I just thought this message would assist towards peace, rather than conflict. I believe that if everyone gave up their grudges towards others, this community would be a lot better. ^^ It's up to you what to do with my request, though I'd be disappointed if you decided to discard it and continued on the path of spite.
For the record, no matter how this message sounds to your ears, I'm not looking for a fight. I'm looking to end the fighting, assuming people are willing to co-operate. Personally, I can scarce imagine people wanting to keep conflicts running for god knows how long.
Well, that was my message. Thanks for taking the time to read through it. Carry on and have a happy life, and good luck with your mods.
With love,
Moonie