Author Topic: One page of idioticy  (Read 1196 times)

Offline GoblinZ

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One page of idioticy
« on: July 22, 2005, 04:35:30 PM »
-Posted before at ironworks

I think it didnīt turn out as funny as the mental image i was having.
But oh well, such is the way of the brain fart, always more amusing when the others donīt smell it...


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Two dark figures were sneaking in a gloomy hallway. The other was short and the other was tall. The short one had a beard and the tall one had pointy ears.
Well the pointy eared one wasnīt not all that tall, really, only compared to the gnome skulking beside him.
The short bearded gnome was dressed in leather, and was carrying an large amount of small metallic tools in his many pockets, the elf was dressed in black leather and was carrying two wax coated, cylinder shaped, sealed clay pots, about the size of two severed humanoid heads, one on each shoulder.

The elf was the first to open his mouth.
Whispering with an barely audible voice, he addressed the gnome:

"Are you certain thisīll work?"

"Are you doubdting my genius?" The gnome replied, and let out an somewhat inane chuckle.

"Seriously, Jan... This is the first time iīm hoping youīd have a story of some of your relatives trying out these inventions of yours, or maybe getting blown up in the process... Yeah, thatīd be good too..."

The gnome let out another silent chuckle, still loud enough to echo eerily in the darkness.
The elf kept badgering:

"Have you even done any testing with these yourself? I mean, for all i know, these..."

The elf was silenced by an SHHHHH! sound coming from between his shorter companion's teeth.
The two snuck forward in silence, the only sound being that of pebbles being accidentally kicked around by the padded leather boots of the adventurers.
Descending a broad flight of stairs, the comrades entered an dirt-floored large hall with surreally shaped light blue walls.
At the center of the cavern lay a huge red lizard with itīs wings spread out, itīs loud snoring shaking the floor and making an gray curtain of dust rain down from the roof hidden somewhere in the darkness above.

The two adventurers soon stood near the slumbering dragons head.
The elf put down the pair of clay cylinders he was carrying, and dug up an folding spear of gnomish design from his backpack.
While the elf unfolded the spear and tightened itīs bolts to prevent the joints from bending under pressure, Jan poured turnip oil on the wax coated mystery packages.
After finishing with oiling the clay cylinders, Jan took one up and carefully placed it inside the dragonīs left nostril.

"Are you ready?" He asked with an excited grin on his silly looking bearded face.

Nervously the elf nodded, and started slowly prodding the oiled package deeper into the nostril with the spear.

The gnome spoke out his thoughts: "These nostrils are bigger than i thought..."

The elf looked at him even more nervous than before, but resumed his work, there was no time to waste.

"Hmmm... Have i told you the story of my great grand uncle's brothers niece who accidentally hid her turnip storage in a dragon's nos..."

The gnome was rewarded with an angry look from the elf, who just had finished with the first of the plumbings, and was now lifting up the second clay pot, and starting to work it further into the dragons head with his full-metal spear.

The gnome grinned to himself, and quickly made his way back to the staircase and sat down, waiting for the elf to finish his work.
And soon enough they were both sitting on the stairs, the other excited, the other horrified.

Jan exclaimed cheerfully: "Well now, old boy, this is it!"

The elf stood up and forced an smile. He looked around, and found an suitable sized rock.
He picked it up, took a deep breath and a last look at his maniacally grinning companion, and threw the rock, hitting the sleeping beauty right in the eyelid.

The dragonīs snoring halted, and itīs eyelids slid aside, revealing itīs deep yellow lizard eyes, larger than a manīs fist they were.
Scanning the cavern with his eyes and sniffing the air, the dragon slowly stood up on his hind legs.
Noticing the two small pests sitting on his porch, he spoke in a bored, unintrested voice:

"Mekhazzio, why are you bothering me again?" Without waiting for an reply, he continued: "I thought we had a deal."

"Oh, uhm... We have come to hide you!" The elf shout in an shaky voice, thinking to himself: "Yesah... thatīs the ticket..."

"Did i mishear you? You have come to hide FROM me? Or did i truly overestimate your intellect so?" The dragon continued in an slightly amused voice.

Jan stepped in, hiding hysteria under his maniacal grin as he often did: "We hereby challenge ye, wyrm, to mortal combat!" With those words he grabbed the folding spear, quickly climbed to sit on Mekhazzios shoulders, and shout "Onwards! my trusty steed!"
Madness WAS indeed polluting: the elf grinned and charged towards the dragon, Jan grabbing his hair with his left hand the the spear with his right.

Firkraarg, the dragon, what with his day dreamings interrupted, was by now getting annoyed with the display, and muttered under his in-drawn breath: "And i challenge you to barbecue!"

Much to the dragon's surprise, his mighty breath of fire wouldnīt just get out of his nostrils. He drew another breath, thinking "Must be a bad flu iīm having...", but it didnīt help, instead the heat broke the clay pots jamming his nostrils, exposing the highly combustible turnip powder inside...

The next thing the adventurers remembered was prancing around hysterically in a rain of dragon chunks and blood, their hysterical laughter echoing all the way to the ears of Garren Windspear.
And the old man knew, that finally he could sleep with his eyes shut.



Note: Donīt bother with any typos you find, t'is merely a brainfart and i am not getting my brain all smelly fixing it. ^^
Dum dee dum dum dum...

 

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