I can’t believe no one has gone here yet. Sorry Jason. Well…not that sorry. Or I wouldn’t have written it.
By the end of this vignette, you will all be asking yourselves…was it the lady? Or the tiger? Or something like that. "No, no, no!" Merena chided. "What do you think you’re doing?"
"I’m getting dressed," Kelsey said morosely, "so we can have it out."
"Oh, no, you’re not."
Kelsey waved one arm futilely. "We have to talk, argue, whatever! Merena," he said slowly. "You must be angry, but I’m not going to come to blows over this. However we end, I won’t be a part of that. So, crush my skull if it will make you feel better. Cover me in honey and leave me on a hill of fire ants - I won’t defend myself."
"Oh, Kelsey." Merena shook her head and unsheathed her hunting knife. "You’re forgetting the rules."
"Rules?" Kelsey asked warily.
"Right or left," Merena said evenly. "Which will it be?"
"C-come again?" Kelsey stuttered, stumbling back. He didn’t like the look that was in Merena’s eyes.
"You ever hear of a guy named Augathra the Mad?" Merena asked. Kelsey stared at her wordlessly. "Have a seat," Merena gestured with her knife towards the bed. Kelsey sat. Merena lowered herself beside him, and continued.
"You should have. He’s known as the Famous Lost Sage…he’s right up their with Alaundo. Now, Augatha didn’t come by the title ‘the Mad’ easily…many of his writings are very difficult for even the wisest among us have a very hard time understanding. However, there is a document of his that is fairly clear cut," Merena paused. Kelsey could’ve sworn he saw the slightest of grins flit across her face. He shifted nervously.
"In part, it reads like this. ‘The rules’," Merena quoted, in a strong, clear voice, "’when dealing with the gods are many. It is wise and prudent never to offend the gods, as their wrath is terrible. If your right hand should offend, it is better that it be cut off than left to fester and infect the rest of the being, calling down upon the whole of the body the wrath of the gods.’ So sayeth the Lost Sage, Augathra the Mad."
As his wife spoke, a growing feeling of terror swelled inside Kelsey, paralyzing him in place. She couldn’t possibly mean…
"So the real question you have to ask yourself is…" Merena’s eyes dropped, and Kelsey followed her gaze to the region just below his belt-line. "Right…or left?"
Kelsey let out a smothered yelp, and began to frantically cast a spell. However, Merena swiftly punched him in the stomach, causing a momentary loss in concentration that was just enough to make the spell fizzle and die. Before he could put up much of a struggle, Merena was on top of him, effectively pinning one arm beneath his body. The other she held fast to the bed with her left hand, as her right hand holding the knife trailed slowly downward.
"N-now…now hold on a minute. What does that writing have to do with anything?" Kelsey yelped, still trying to squirm out from under Merena. He failed miserably.
"My dear Kelsey…have you forgotten? My father was Bhaal. A GOD." Merena hooked the knife underneath Kelsey’s robe, and slowly drew it upward, revealing Kelsey’s naked and trembling body.
"B-but…you gave all that up…dear," Kelsey added hesitantly. "On the throne," he practically choked on the words.
"That’s why," Merena smiled sweetly "I’m only taking ONE," Her face hardened, and she pressed the flat end of the knife against Kelsey’s manhood. "Now quit stalling. Choose one. Or I’ll take them both. Didn’t you say I could do whatever it would take to make me feel better, and that you wouldn’t defend yourself?"
"But…" Kelsey moaned.
Merena’s eyes turned hard. "My patience has limits you know. As does my generosity. Very well, have it your way…" Merena flipped the knife, and Kelsey could feel a slight prick-
"OKAY!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Merena drew back the knife slightly. "All right, you win," Kelsey said, practically weeping. He drew a huge breath.