Author Topic: Comments on Disillusioned  (Read 2051 times)

Offline jcompton

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Comments on Disillusioned
« on: June 09, 2005, 01:14:47 PM »
Unable to settle on a single adequate response to the bit about the table lamp, I will simply issue the leading two contenders and let the reader choose.

"Why, yes! Bold and brassy! That's me!"

or

"And just think. I paid like 3 cents out of my own pocket for her to post that."

As far as the actual prose goes, it seems to me that it's more of a scene, or perhaps more accurately half a scene, than it is a story, so I think any meaningful commentary from me has to wait for the resolution of "continue?"
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!" http://www.pocketplane.net

Offline Kuemper

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Re: Comments on Disillusioned
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2005, 02:54:52 PM »
The opinions expressed in the above post are those of Kuemper, unless specifically cited from other sources.

"Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself'. And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up."

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Offline Xiao

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Re: Comments on Disillusioned
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2005, 07:33:15 PM »
Regarding the "continued" part, I'll add "Man, CHARNAME's an asshole!"  :o  Again, hard to comment on a work in progress, such as it is.

Offline Eral

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Re: Comments on Disillusioned
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2005, 09:11:32 PM »
Is the disillusionment in the title a reference to Nalia's feelings when she finds out the PC has a hairy back? (as the references to his hairiness suggest) Or that he is such a prick?

I think the story has to establish what are the mores the characters are operating under. Is it OK for Nalia to engage in sexual activity and still maintain her position in society? (In which case, why is the PC miffed?) Or does having sex make her a fallen woman and pariah? (In which case, why is she endangering herself by having a quickie with someone who clearly doesn't care about her?)
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Offline Kuemper

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Re: Comments on Disillusioned
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2005, 05:18:46 PM »
You may now begin the roasting. It is finished.  :-\
The opinions expressed in the above post are those of Kuemper, unless specifically cited from other sources.

"Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself'. And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up."

Wanda Gerschwitz

 

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