Author Topic: Comments on The End of Bons  (Read 7255 times)

Offline Da_venom

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Comments on The End of Bons
« on: June 13, 2005, 03:44:13 PM »
grhey's end was better sorry :P

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2005, 03:53:53 PM »
grhey's end was better sorry :P

Thank you for your comment.
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Offline Da_venom

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2005, 04:00:12 PM »
yours was good to bons but a bit long my eyes got tired in the end :)

but yours was more romance

which i don't really find placed in bg

so i took ghrey's instead

but that's just my opninion i'm sure there are more voters for romance ;)

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2005, 04:14:40 PM »
yours was good to bons but a bit long my eyes got tired in the end :)

Surprisingly, JC's initial reaction was very similar, only it, you know, sounded like Jason. :)

Quote
but that's just my opninion i'm sure there are more voters for romance ;)

I'm not convinced just how welcome the romance would be. I'm sure there is a contingent that would feel Kelsey got off much, much too easily considering the circumstances of the story.
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

             --Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Offline Da_venom

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2005, 04:21:22 PM »
yours was good to bons but a bit long my eyes got tired in the end :)

Surprisingly, JC's initial reaction was very similar, only it, you know, sounded like Jason. :)

Quote
but that's just my opninion i'm sure there are more voters for romance ;)

I'm not convinced just how welcome the romance would be. I'm sure there is a contingent that would feel Kelsey got off much, much too easily considering the circumstances of the story.

omg i sounded like jason!?!? ::)

anyway

you just have some tough luck, the non romancable lovers read your end

if you can find some people who like romance i'm sure you would stand up a chance vs ghrey ;)

Offline Grim Squeaker

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2005, 04:27:30 PM »
'Comments on the end of Bons'.  Sounds like another 'why Bons is hawt' thread to me...
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Offline Da_venom

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2005, 04:29:54 PM »
maybe bons should be a novel writer for romance?

i'm sure she would make some hitters :)

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2005, 06:19:41 PM »
if you can find some people who like romance i'm sure you would stand up a chance vs ghrey ;)

In most situations, no one stands a chance against Ghrey. He's THAT GOOD. 

'Comments on the end of Bons'. Sounds like another 'why Bons is hawt' thread to me...

 :D
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

             --Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Offline Evaine Dian

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2005, 07:14:46 AM »
Although I'm not a huge fan of romance myself, I prefer your solution. It's true, Kelsey gets off easily, but I found your end fitting, as it continues the humorous undertone the previous chapters had (I liked it a lot that you went on about that "Coltrane brainstorm"), despite the seriousness of the couple's conflict.
"Show me how you do that trick! The one that makes me scream", she said,
"the one that makes me laugh!" she said and threw her arms around my neck.
"Show me how you do it and I promise you, I promise that
I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you..."

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2005, 12:25:13 PM »
Thanks, Evaine. When I was slugging through it, I'd wondered if I wasn't shifting gears too much from the previous section with this same romantic-y business. The sections leading up to it were a little faster in pacing and wry in tone, I think. I just have the advantage that I wrote the challenge material, so it's less likely there's a 'OMG! The writer's voice is different!' situation.

P.S. I like your new avatar.  :)
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

             --Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Offline Da_venom

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2005, 12:39:54 PM »
there are still supporters of bon's writing :)

Offline Evaine Dian

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2005, 03:22:59 PM »
there are still supporters of bon's writing :)

Sure! It's always a good read.


P.S. I like your new avatar. :)

Thank you :)  It's part of an old drawing I once did as a birthday present.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2005, 03:29:53 PM by Evaine Dian »
"Show me how you do that trick! The one that makes me scream", she said,
"the one that makes me laugh!" she said and threw her arms around my neck.
"Show me how you do it and I promise you, I promise that
I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you..."

Offline St. Josephine

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2005, 09:16:12 PM »
there are still supporters of bon's writing :)

And as long as Bons writes as well as she does, there always will be.   :)

I just have to admit that I was more in the, "Girlfriend, you don't have to forgive your horn dawg of a husband in some skank's bedroom.  Make him suffer!" camp than the "Awww, how romantic!" one.  Sorry.  :-[

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Offline jcompton

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2005, 09:37:39 PM »
I thought Merena took too much responsibility as well, but I also figure it's the reader's discretion how much we think she's _actually_ responsible. (And how much we should trust a salesman.)
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!" http://www.pocketplane.net

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2005, 09:52:09 PM »
No need to apologize, St. Jo! It was something I was thinking of when I was trying decide how I'd handle the last chapter - "Who's going to like this sentimental business more than a skull crushing?" - plus I was having a hard time getting a handle on a more farcical ending. It's also why I found JC's ending more satisfying, because, yeah, in my heart I think Merena should have given Kelsey the boot. In a way, the romantic repulsion lured me into it, because I felt the acceptance level of readers would be lower, leading to more discussion. Sneaky, eh?  ;)
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

             --Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Offline St. Josephine

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2005, 11:17:20 PM »
I didn't realize llamas were so devious!
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Despite his heartthrob status in real life, Orlando Bloom has consistently functioned as a node of negative energy onscreen, sucking the life force out of all who surround him. --Dana Stevens, Slate.com

Offline jcompton

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2005, 11:34:49 PM »
Devious, cruel and stingy. Ask Bons how she likes her Card Sharks.
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!" http://www.pocketplane.net

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #17 on: June 15, 2005, 09:50:39 PM »
Jim Perry: "And it's another ace! Ohhhh! Tough luck!"
It's so good, it hurts! $300 on the Money Cards -- it's more than they came with!
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

             --Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Offline K. Lou of Combs

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #18 on: June 19, 2005, 11:31:12 PM »
I liked your ending the best, Bons.  Imo, It made the most sense, considering that there are very few problems in the world that are entirely the fault of one person; there is usually something else (like a misunderstanding, at the very least) playing into it.  Hooray! :)
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Offline SeanFan

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #19 on: June 27, 2005, 09:35:14 PM »
No need to apologize, St. Jo! It was something I was thinking of when I was trying decide how I'd handle the last chapter - "Who's going to like this sentimental business more than a skull crushing?" - plus I was having a hard time getting a handle on a more farcical ending. It's also why I found JC's ending more satisfying, because, yeah, in my heart I think Merena should have given Kelsey the boot. In a way, the romantic repulsion lured me into it, because I felt the acceptance level of readers would be lower, leading to more discussion. Sneaky, eh?  ;)

Very sneaky.

I'm afraid I fall in with the majority. I'm a complete sucker for romance, and maybe infidelity incident 1 or 2 might be forgiveable, but add the 3 (!) dryads and then Skie, and it's waaay too much to try to attribute to a simple misunderstanding. I think Merena is a doormat to take him back without serious, prolonged groveling on Kelsey's part. Pain and suffering would be nice, too.  ;)

Offline cliffette

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #20 on: June 29, 2005, 01:26:26 AM »
I think SeanFan said it all, really. More revenge! :)

What were the other possibile endings you were thinking of?

Offline Eral

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #21 on: June 29, 2005, 04:46:28 AM »
Kelsey should have to suffer/grovel a bit more, I agree. Merena does let him off lightly. He should have a better excuse than "You were doing all right without me/I didn't feel needed."
I guess the question comes down to, do we want to believe that Kelsey could REALLY be bad? 
Since I don't, I am more than happy for Merena to take him back. Completely irrational, I admit.
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Offline RavenBlack

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #22 on: June 30, 2005, 12:45:40 AM »
This one's still my favorite out of them all. It's cute, and I'm a hopeless romantic. ;)

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #23 on: June 30, 2005, 10:24:52 AM »
What were the other possibile endings you were thinking of?

I'd considered Merena handing the child over to Kelsey and skipping off with Imoen to find Keldorn and the nymphs, but leaving her daughter was at odds with her earlier talking with Nalia. There was also a 'it was all a setup' idea, where a spurned would-be lover was plotting revenge, but it *really* defeated the purpose of Bad Kelsey, even more than a squishy, kiss-kiss ending. I also considered Merena just flat out leaving him with a little sermon about being a bad, bad, Kelsey, but by then I'd thought of making it a challenge, and I wanted to leave that possibility open. Jason also had a more farcical "too much of a good thing" ending.

I guess the question comes down to, do we want to believe that Kelsey could REALLY be bad?

That's the clincher. I considered having Kelsey act more like a jerk and wimped out. He does have potential flaws, between the flirting, jealousy in the Anomen situation, stubbornness related to thieves, and hangups related to his own power and his family. Any of these could be amplified (Which I did in the case of the flirting. In "The Sweetest Day," Domi goes more the route of Kelsey putting his foot down about the thieves' stronghold, where a strong offense makes the best defense.), making Kelsey more of a villain or cad. It's kind of hard when you like the guy, though. :)
« Last Edit: June 30, 2005, 10:42:51 AM by Bons »
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

             --Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Offline Veloxyll

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Re: Comments on The End of Bons
« Reply #24 on: July 01, 2005, 02:40:00 PM »
I'm sorry, I had an actual comment on this story, but then I read "Kelsey gets off easily" as I was going through the comments. And um...giggled shamelessly for the rest of the thread.
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