Author Topic: a girl in candlekeep  (Read 2889 times)

Offline irenicus

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a girl in candlekeep
« on: December 06, 2005, 02:22:47 PM »
ok i am very new at this so, be nice, lol

after you have read and you want to comment please comment at
http://forums.pocketplane.net/index.php/topic,20997.0.html < that forum

thank you very muchĀ  :)

and my story begins


(note on names
Neleiana is a name i made up and is pronounced knee-lee-I-ana)

The light struggled to reach the young fifteen year old girl who lay under the thick branches of the grand oak, the soft light danced on her pale face, and the soft gentle breeze, softly teased her thick vividly red hair out of its neatness. But seamed merciful to it, as it seamed to admire its beauty, its soft shine and thick curls. The girl moaned slightly, as if not wanting to be woken and turned onto her side. There was a long silence until the large round green eyes where opened to the world and looked around, another moments silence, She sat up and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. She then stood up and looked around, the breeze decided to be a little more playful now and tugged at her hair and Vail. The girl smiled and took the Vail of, allowing a thick curtain of curly red hair to fall around her, down to her waist.
"NELEIANA!" Came a voice from the large library near-by, the girl almost jumped out of her pale olive skin in shock, her green eyes widening slightly, and the screwed up look on the girlā€™s face showed she was figuring out to whom the voice belonged to. There was an uneasy silence
"NELEI"
"COMING FATHER!" the girl yelled back She dropped to her knees and looked around and grabbed some thick leather-bound books and threw them into her bag, then with her hands she examined the emerald green dress she was warring. It wasn't anything special, but she loved it, it matched her eyes, and the gold trimming was just, in her eyes, perfect and made her feel like a noble lady. Then with a pale hand she brushed the morning-dust of it, and put her Vail back on, then ran back, narrowly dodging the passing mages, and ran into the large proud building.
She stood there for a moment, catching her breath, an aching stitch on her side, she put her bag down and rubbed it, but it didnā€™t soothe the pain. SShe then stood up, and looked around the marble room, her eyes looked at the fireplace that crackled happily nearby.
"THERE YOU ARE!" came a harsh voice, a man walked forward, arms crossed, Neleiana looked up
"Sorry father" she said in a hurried apologetic tone. Not meeting his harsh cold Grey eyes, the man grunted
"Your always sorry, but it doesnā€™t make you come home any faster does it?"
"no" she stuttered for a moment "but I was reading a story, its so enchanting, its about Bhaal" she didn't notice her fathers eye twitch at this name.
"And how he was sent to earth, Gorion itā€™s amazing!"
Gorion, she often called him this, you see he was only her foster father, but still, she loved him as a father, Gorion took a deep cold breath "give me the book" he said in a forced calm voice. Neleiana flinched as if feeling the air around her go a little colder, but she didnā€™t argue she, instead, went into her bag and fished out the old tattered book, and held it out for him, he snatched it quickly.
"NEVER!" he said in a voice of pure and utter rage "read a book about this god again! Do you understand me?"
"Y...y...yes father" she stuttered, unsure of what else could be said, she watched her father throw the book into the fire, and watched the faces of the other mages go into a slight casual appearance. And a few began to mutter
Gorion's eyes softened at the confused look on Neleiana's face
"One day... you will understand, I will explain it to you" he didnā€™t need to say anything else, it was enough, but "one day" lingered in her mind, that could be one day, one week, one month, one year, or the gods know how long! She sighed, knowing not to argue with Gorion, and stood there for a long moment waiting to see if he had anything more to say. When he didn't she darted to the marble steps, and going up them two at a time to reach the floor she lived on to go to her room

Edited for typos and spelling check - teacher pointed some out, and added more description))

(thats all for now i do plan to write more, im not very good at gramma i do really apologise but i dont have a spell checker on this computer oddly enough,

hope you like it

from
irenicus)
« Last Edit: December 09, 2005, 12:57:53 PM by irenicus »

Offline irenicus

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Re: a girl in candlekeep
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2005, 04:36:48 AM »
Part two!

Note on names - the first TWO names I haveĀ  made up so please dont use them without asking, thanks, as ill be using these in a book I am writting
Neleiana is pronounced knee-lee-I-ana
Coralena is pronounce Cor-A-lee-na
Ceri is pronounced Suh-EH-REE
Jeromia is pronounced Jeh-ro-my-a


As the years went by, and the seasons came and left, changing the world each time, Neleiana flourished into a beautiful woman of twenty, her pale face had lost all of its childish features and was replaced by high cheekbones and a more defined beauty. Her hair was as red and curly as ever, and her green eyes where a more stunning color. But she herself hadn't changed; she was still the wild girl, the girl who dreamed of adventure, life beyond the thick walls of Candlekeep. She then stopped pondering and stood up like always by the grand old oak she stood feeling the autumn breeze tease her hair out of its braids, and into a tick tumble of free curls. But she ignored that; she was trying to picture a scene in her book. Where the fierce heroine had picked up her sword and struck the dragon with all her might, she could see it before her, the dark dank cavern and hear the painful cry and wail of a dragon, she could almost.... Touch it, but then it went at the call of

"NELLY!"
Neleiana flinched for a moment "Imoen" she said her face formed into a delighted smile and she threw her books into her bag and ran to the library. Where the voice had come from, and sure enough stood another girl, with strawberry blonde hair. She was of a similar age, a lot taller, due to the face Neleiana was half-elf, she was a pretty skinny for her age, and her rounded pinkish face still had babyish features.
"Good morrow Imoen"
"Good morrow miss lets start acting polite when we all know your a rouge who causes trouble!" Imoen watched Neleiana blush
"Never mind that Sir-Grump-A-lot wants to see you later, but we got time to ride the new mare, and stallion!"
"Sir grump a lot.... Ulrant or Gorion?"
"Hmm, thatā€™s a toughie" Imoen joked "Gorion, now come on" Imoen grabbed the half-elf's hand and dragged her to the stables, yet again like every time Neleiana had to dodge the mages
"Jeromia!" Imoen smiled stopping at a halt causing Neleiana to fall to the ground
"Im okay" came a soft groan from the floor, Which both ignored
"Can we ride the new horses?" Imoen asked, not helping Neleiana up
"Of course but watch out for the Iron throne gentlemen, they have had a long ride"
"Iron what?"
"Iron throne, people from the grand city of Baldurs gate" Jeromia stopped and helped Neleiana up,
"riggggght, pig headed bastards" Neleiana mumbled
"yeah I bet they - "
"Not them Imoen YOU!" she pointed to her mud-stained scarlet dress.
"Oh" she giggled nervously
"Well miss Neleiana if you tack the horses I must show Imoen something"
"Of course!" Neleiana said in sarcasm, mumbling as she grabbed a saddle a soft warmness seamed to surround her she felt so sleepy, and she let the saddle fall from her hand. And turned to looked at the Black stallion before her, she felt tired, the Stallion reared up and began to kick the doors trying to get away neighing with complete unease, suddenly a fire flared up before her eyes.
"FIRE!" Neleiana screamed "Help thereā€™s a fire thereā€™s a fire!" she screamed as the horse knocked the stable door down. And went to attack her a skull-sign lingered in the air and it seamed to laugh, taunting, laughing, making her want to scream louder and a slight evil inside began to stir.... Every thing went dark

"fire...fire" Neleiana groaned and opened her eyes to Imoen, Jeromia, Gorion and several other mages looking down at her, Gorion was slapping her face trying to get her to wake up
"what happened is the fire out?"
Imoen blinked "erm..."
"the Horse attacked me!"
Gorion bit his lip and they all looked at the horse who was in his stable eating away happily
"There... Wasn't a fire Neleiana" Imoen said softly
"THERE WAS!" she jumped up, and everyone took a step back so she could look around "But there was! I SAW IT! There was a fire just there and the horse broke it's stable door down and then the fire turned into a skull"
"STOP!" Gorion yelled in a gruff voice "Skull?"
"Yes, a skull" she nodded, pale as ever, tears began to pour down her face
A look of horror came to Gorionā€™s old features, a fear she had never seen before he grabbed Neleiana and pushed her agenst the stable
"ARE YOU SURE?"
"Y.... Y...yes" she stuttered
"what did it do?"
"Just laughed at me" she said, rubbing her arm when he let her go.
"Is there a problem here?" came another voice, it seamed quite defined, strong, but a hint of coldness that sent shivers up Neleianaā€™s spine.
"No Sarevok" Gorion turned to face the man, Neleiana shifted to look but the man wore a helmet, so instead she listened.
"Alright then" he put a book in his bag and the eyes which could be seen lingered on Neleiana for a moment.
"Oh this is my daughter, Neleiana" Gorion said, Neleiana noticed how he said "daughter" not "foster child" or some random name.
"I see" Sarevok said "Well I will be off" he walked of
"What was his name again?" Neleiana asked, "I didnā€™t quite catch it"
"Never you mind!" Gorion's voice was harsh "go to your room I must think"




end of part two, as I said I dont have a spell or gramma check, as its not installed, so I deepy apologise, this is my fan fiction thing so I am sorry if it isn't much good

(Edited for Gramma and spelling, Thank you to my friend Cordy for doing it)
« Last Edit: December 08, 2005, 03:52:17 AM by irenicus »

Offline irenicus

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Re: a girl in candlekeep
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2005, 12:40:09 PM »
(Note on names
Neleiana Shommina - Knee-Lee-I-ana Show-min-ee-a)

Neleiana walked along the path books in hand, she was going to her lessons, trying to act as normal as she possibly could

"OH LOOK!" came a whining sounding voice of a spoilt brat. She had thick white-blonde hair and was pretty much on the fat side with a round pink face, and the raven-haired girl beside was no better, she was short, powerful strong looking, her face looked squashed and her nose, pig-like
"OH NO!" The girl with raven hair giggled in delight. It seamed it was a sport for them to annoy Neleiana and any friend of hers
 "Ceri thereā€™s a fire RUN! RUN!" she mimicked, causing the blonde... Ceri to snigger. Ceri and Coralena had been enemies to Neleiana and Imoen since the day they had arrived, mostly because they where under the influence of Ulrant, and it was known Ulrant didnā€™t like Neleiana. Though the reason to as why, she didnā€™t know, and every time she had asked, he had told her to do a chore. Neleiana felt her temple throb in an almost uncontrollable anger
"Seriously orphan" Ceri said in an up-most posh voice her watery blue eyes had an evil glitter within them "I didn't think you could get anymore STUPID" she said flicking her blonde hair back and thrusting her chest out to show of her new ugly looking brown dress. Imoen rolled her eyes in disgust and held a hand out to stop Neleiana lunging herself at her
"Ignore her" Imoen hissed into her ear, Neleiana sighed but nodded, and turned around
"Shut up Ceri, and you Coralena" And with that they walked into class. The class held about ten people who all sat there in a uneasy silence, the mage-teacher walked in, dressed in a simple woollen Grey robe.
"TODAY!" he said, banging his fist on the desk to grasp there unwilling attention.
"We will be learning about Goblins and Spiders and their allience" he said, waving an old wrinkled hand, and on the board. and a series of ancient runes and odd pictures of giant spiders and goblins appeared.
"any questions? no? GOOD!" he snapped banging his fist on the table. "PAY ATTENTION OR GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT!" he yelled at Ceri and Coralena who where muttering, Most likely how next to annoy Neleiana and Imoen. There heads snapped up and paled slightly, and going red, they went silent.
"NOW" he said storming through the white classroom, "Does anyone know the name of the GOD that helped form the allience, because the god helped many evil creature alliences be formed. Anyone OTHER then Imoen know?" He snapped ignoring Imoen's hand. Neleiana hesitated and raised a hand
"bloody hell at last" he smiled "yes Lady Shommina?" he said. Shommina, Neleiana Shommina, how she despised the name.
"The good whom was banished, though his name is not often spoken" she said this in a worried whisper, after being forbidden to speak the name, she assumed it was cursed.
"And the name is?" the teacher said. Neleiana shifted feeling all eyes upon her
"Bhaal, Lord of murder"
"CORRECT!" he said delightedly, clapping his hands together. Neleiana smiled, and looked at the jealous glares from Ceri and Coralena.

"That was so cool lady Shommina" Imoen smiled "I thought it was Cyric"
"Aww is the little miss know it all HAPPY" Spat Ceri as she came out with her friend Coralena
"Yes she is you little bitch now go kiss a donkeys ass, you should know what it looks like, just look in a mirror" Imoen spat
"Oh really, Coral, time we taught someone here manners to her upperclassers!" she watched Coralena flick her black hair back, and push Neleiana to the ground, being half-orc that was simple, Neleiana was like a feather to her strength
"LET HER GO YOU TWO OR ILL TELL GORION! And upperclassers isnā€™t even a word bird brain!" Imoen wailed in a threatening tone
"Shut up shorty" Ceri hissed and hit Neleiana who had struggled to pull herself up, the strike to Neleianaā€™s face ached. She stood there shocked, feeling a lump where she had been hit, she then, felt a power he had never felt before. The skull flickered before her eyes, taunting her again, laughing, and with a scream of pain, as if thousands of daggers where attacking her. She then, without mercy grabbed Ceri and Coralena and threw them into the wall, and raised a hand and fire erupted from it, she blasted it at the two petrified girls.

"GORION!" Imoen wailed running to the Library "GORION HELP!" she screamed louder,
"Imoen?" Gorion looked up from the desk from which he was sitting writing a note "stop crying dammit child and tell me what is all the fuss about"
"NELEIANA IS GUNNER KILL THEM TWO BITCHESS!"
He didn't need telling twice he got up and stormed out. But it was too late to stop a horrific scene almost everyone was witnessing a soft orange glow around Neleiana and Ceri and Coralena where crumpled on the floor in fear, but to add to the awful luck, Ulrant was there, arms crossed a look of satisfaction on his face. Gorion raised a hand and a vivid blue light blasted the orange, Neleiana fell to the floor
"SHES DEAD SHES DEAAD!" Imoen screamed and sobbed
"She isnā€™t dead Imoen, now go to my room and get me some oak-wood" Gorion spat trying to wake the girl
Imoen ran up to the library, looking for the asked ingredient, she opened the drawers, then, stopped her eyes went to a note on the table "hello?" she said picking it up and reading it


"Neleiana wake up!" Gorion demanded, watching Imoen run back "is this it?"
"Yes thatā€™s it" he said waving a hand and a sent came from it, he waved it under Neleiana's nose and she woke up, and she let an out a scream which filled the whole keep. A scream of agony fear, a scream no one could ever forget,

(edited for gramma and spelling, thank you to my friend cordy for doing this, she has also changed a few scenes)

« Last Edit: December 09, 2005, 05:55:01 AM by irenicus »

Offline irenicus

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Re: a girl in candlekeep
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2005, 05:44:39 AM »
"Imoen I am going to be teased for my entire LIFE" Neleiana groaned, looking around her tidy room for a moment then turned over so her back faced her friend, so no one could witness the tears the began to drop down her cheek.
"Well you did scream PRETTY loud" Imoen looked sympathetically at the girl on her bed, dressed in only simple white nightgown, she then smiled weakly "But you sure as hell taught them girls a lesson!" Imoens sympathetic smile turned into one of triumphant delight
"They didn't deserve it" Neleiana said looking at her hands "I just, I cant do it now, I've tried, but nothing happens, I don't want to hurt people Immy." she sat up, and rubbed her eyes, her face seamed all puffed up like a childā€™s, and was very red. Where Gorion had slapped her repetitively to awaken her and snap her back to reality. There was a long uneasy silence, which Neleiana, not liking broke
"It wasn't me who attacked them, well it was but there was like, something else, like another part of me I have never felt, telling me that I was stronger then that. That I should prove to them I am of much better worth to them bitches" She stood up, swaying softly. And walked to the window, watching snow begin to fall softly.
"Nelly, I..." Imoen chewed her lip and put a comforting hand on her shoulder "It was a one off" she said "Don't think on it" she smiled turning her friend around. Neleiana gave an apologetic smile
"Thanks Immy" she said "Let's go to class" she said pulling a mage-like dress on, of a soft red. Imoen wanted to argue, but instead she smiled, and darted down the steps, Neleiana close behind.

"Well, well, well!" Came a snotty voice, Ceri,
"Jeez Ceri didn't you learn your lesson" Imoen spat
"Oh sure we did, Neleiana is nothing but a cheap slut who cries out for attention"
Imoen watched Neleiana's eye twitch in anger and her fists clenched tightly, going white. In the doorway nearby Sarevok stood an evil smile on his features, watching Neleiana intently, her every move, every inch of her body. If he was right, but, he couldn't make a move he had to be sure. He couldn't afford a mistake he leaned watching.
"That's right Neleiana your attention seeking, you took a potion, threw us, then did a cheap spell to make it like you where possessed" Ceri pushed Neleiana into a bookcase "And you know it! Ulrant always said you where a worthless bitch!"
Imoen growled "Thatā€™s fine coming from a girl who cant even light a candle!"
"Oh well, Imoen" Ceri smiled, Coralena standing there like a bodyguard, ready to near kill if commanded to. It had always been like this, they believed they where top of all and with Ulrant goading them on life was pretty tough.
"Maybe we should teach them both manners don't you think Coralena?" she turned to her raven-haired friend, who smiled. Smacking her hands together and rubbing them, licking her lips like a wolf that had caught her prey. Raising a fist she went to hit Imoen who had closed her eyes but Coralena couldn't. Neleiana stood there, her hand had caught her fist, the soft glow around her again, her eyes had turned orange, and cat like. Coralena groaned
"Let go!" she yelled in agony as Neleiana's gripped tightened. The sound of breaking bone's filled the room, Causing both Imoen and Ceri to want to throw up.
"CERI STOP HER!" Coralena screamed falling to her knees, wrenching her fist from Neleiana's grasp, and a look of terror on her face.
"YOU FREAK!" Ceri yelled, "you donā€™t belong here!" pointing an accusing finger. Gorion stood watching, mages began to mutter a look of disappointment, worry, and anger on Gorion's face as he looked at Neleiana.
"Gorion, I swear... I, I didnā€™t mean to" Neleiana said in a soft whisper of fear. Gorion watched Ulrant go to Coralena
"Whatā€™s the damage there Ulrant?" He asked
"Smashed, that will never heal, she wont use this hand ever again" he said, and stood up. Neleiana felt all eyes where on her; Even Imoen had shifted away ever so slightly. Gorion looked at Neleiana
"Come child, we must talk,ā€ he said holding an arm out, which Neleiana ran into. He wrapped it around her protectively and walked her away.
"Father I really didn't mean to"
"Don't worry" he said going to his room and putting a note in his drawer, and packed a small bag
"What are you doing"
"We are leaving,ā€ he said, "to Baldurs gate" he turned to Neleiana "no need to pack yourself I am only packing spell-books and potions, I shall explain when we get to our destination"
"But"
"NO BUTS" he said, "just trust me,ā€ he said.

Sarevok smiled "sorry old man" he said "But your little brat wont make it there" he said to himself. Then turned to his fellows "go outside Baldurs gate and be ready to get rid of more scum that stand in my way to rule!"

Offline irenicus

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Re: a girl in candlekeep
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2005, 08:43:52 AM »
As a blanket of night, dotted with stars and a pale soft moon covered Candlekeep, Gorion made his way to the gates, with a worried Neleiana following without a word said.
"Father you don't need to leave I could go if you gave me a map"
"Don't be foolish child!" he snapped "the roads are dangerous, with the iron shortage"
"Iron shortage?" Neleiana questioned
"Never you mind!" he gruffly replied. Neleiana went silent, but followed.
"We will cut through here,ā€ he said, eyeing a dark path, shadowed by trees, and not a speck of moonlight dared to enter
"Father... may we stick to the path... please?" she asked worriedly, gripping onto his arm "It doesnā€™t look safe"
"Neleiana, we must" he said walking into the dark forest, Neleiana whimpered and looked to the full moon which loomed warmly above, but followed as commanded.
"Father this isn't safe it feels"
"HUSH!" he raised a hand, his face screwed up as he intently listened, then from behind tree, four approached
"Who goes there?" Gorion said, pushing Neleiana behind him.
One of the four stood forward, but it was so dark to make out a face. Neleiana shifted slightly, two of them where ogres, the other two armored and cloaked.
ā€œā€˜Tis a lovely night, is it not?" one said. In a voice Neleiana recognized, but she could not place, she listened intently to the voice
"Aye, it's a lovely night" Gorion agreed, cautious
"So, Gorion" the voice continued "You are in luck, since I adore the beauty of this moonlit night, I am prepared to bargain"
"Excuse me, bargain? For what I have nothing and how do you know of my name?"
"Ah!" The figure laughed "It matters not of how I know your name, but what does matter is you have something I want dearly" The figure took a step forward. Neleiana eyed a rather large sword, which his hand rested on.
"That being?" Gorion questioned, a hand held onto Neleianaā€™s arm tightly
"Your ward" The figure grunted, Neleiana looked in horror, but was reassured by Gorionā€™s comforting hold.
"You may NOT have my child" he snapped in anger, "so I suggest you and your... fellows leave"
"We will not leave without the brat" The figure snapped, pulling the sword from the scabbard,
"Very well" Gorion raised a hand and blasted them all back "Run Neleiana" he snapped
"But!" Neleiana protested
"JUST GO!" he yelled, Neleiana nodded, and hugged him before running to hide, but she stayed close enough to be able to see.
"I wonā€™t warn you again, leave!" Gorion yelled as the figure got up, and his fellows.
"No" the bitter reply came. At this Gorion blasted the ogres back, smashing them into a large tree, the sound of braking bones filled the forest. Neleiana trembled, and hugged her knees.
The figure laughed "Is that all you have?" he grabbed Gorion before he could cast a spell and threw him into a tree, and smiled, as Gorion painfully got himself up
"You will not have her" he whispered in pain.
"Oh really, I may of lost her this time" he said, hands on his neck "But I will get her" he tightened his grip, Gorion choked in agony. The figure threw Gorion to the floor, then put his sword to Gorionā€™s chest, but as he was about to strike, an arrow shot through the air, and struck the figure.
"MASTER!" cried the other figure, the voice belonged to a woman, and of this Neleiana was sure.
"I am fine, let's go, out job is done here". The other figure nodded and made a portal, which they both stepped into.
"Gorion!" Neleiana cried as they left and ran to him, kneeling down, putting his head on her lap "wake up!" she cried, tears streaming down her eyes "Please live, I need you, I can't do anything without you, your the only family I have! I have no mother, or real father, I wonā€™t be able to find them!"
Gorion opened his eyes painfully "Always remember, you are who you make yourself, not what people say" he smiled "you where never his daughter, you where mine" he closed his eyes
"GORION?" Neleiana screamed "NO! NO!" she sobbed, at this thunder and lightning tore the sky, and rain began to fall, soaking Neleiana. She cried
"Why? Why me?" she stood up "WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME? I KNOW YOU GODS ARE LISTENING, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!" she yelled. But nothing replied, except the clash of thunder and rain.


(since this is my story I decided she at least got to say somewhat of a goodbye to Gorion  :'( now there will be more later when I write it but thats all for now

mean arn't I?  :o  ;D  :P )

 

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