Anomen cautiously approached the door of the room that Cassandra shared with Kelsey. It had taken all his resolve not to rush to her aid when the near miss from the catapult had shaken the inn. Now he was growing concerned that Cassandra had not returned from speaking to Kelsey and could no longer bear to wait in suspense.
The door was partially open, and all was quiet. Anomen sighed in relief. Though he would have never admitted it out loud, deep in his heart was the nagging fear that he would find the door closed and bolted against him, proof that Cassandra had changed her mind and decided to stay with Kelsey.
He silently approached the room, and through the open door he could see Cassandra sitting on the bed alone, with her arms wrapped around her knees. She had been crying. As he hurried across the room to her side, he noticed the room was disordered, as if someone had packed and left in a hurry.
“Cassandra! Has he harmed you?” She raised her tear-streaked face to him and held out her hand.
“Oh, Anomen” she cried, as he folded her in his arms. She regained some of her composure. “No, he didn’t hurt me. But he’s…he’s gone. I told him I would leave and tried to convince him to at least stay the night, but he refused. He said he couldn’t bear to stay in this room another minute.”
“So it is done?” Anomen asked, with a look of mingled relief and triumph in his eyes.
“It’s done. May the gods be my witness, after all our battles, I have never felt more like a murderer than I did tonight.”
He gently brushed the hair away from her face. “You would not be the woman I love if you found pleasure in hurting others, especially those you care about.”
“Oh, I never
meant anyone to get hurt, that’s true, but it was still my foolish choices that caused this to happen.” Cassandra replied.
Anomen looked alarmed. “My lady, I hope you are not saying that you regret what happened between us tonight!”
She touched his face. “No, Anomen, that’s not what I meant. I think tonight I finally made the right choice, the best choice for me, anyway, if not for Kelsey. You see, this really all started all those months ago when you tried to get Kelsey to leave and asked me to choose between the two of you.”
“Neither of you could have known this, and I’ve never told anyone before tonight how deeply divided my heart was at that time. I simply did not
know which one of you I truly loved and wanted to be with. I think if I had had more time I might have made a better, truer, decision.” She smiled at Anomen and squeezed his hand.
Anomen paled and looked aghast. “Cassandra, had I but known…”
She waved away his protest. “Anomen don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t have known. I could have—and should have—told you both that I wasn’t ready to make a decision and just accepted the consequences. It’s rather funny, in a way, that I have calmly faced down liches and dragons, but when it was two men who loved me and asked me to choose between them, I panicked. I made a hasty decision because I was afraid I might lose both of you.”
“But still, you chose. In the end, why did you choose Kelsey?” Anomen asked.
Cassandra looked embarrassed. “I hate to admit this, but I think it was partly because I was irritated with you for making me choose.”
“But more importantly, I think it was because he seemed the safer choice. Remember, it was right after you had been dismissed from the Order, and you were still so angry, and so…
wild then.” She glanced at him, trying to judge his reaction to her words.
“Cassandra, you needn’t try to spare my feelings. I remember all too well how I felt, and how I behaved then. After losing the dream I had worked for so long, I felt cut adrift. I was angry at the Order, and angry at the world for betraying me. It has taken time for me to learn what kind of life I can have, and what kind of man I can be without the Order. Perhaps it would have easier to do so with your love to steady me; who can say. But I do understand how hard it would be for a woman to trust that man with her heart. Which makes me doubly glad that you feel you can trust
this man with your heart.” He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms for a kiss.
They were silent for a few moments, content in each other’s arms. Anomen broke the silence. “Cassandra, what changed your mind about Kelsey…about me? You don’t have to tell me if you prefer not to, rest assured I am well content that you love me now.”
Cassandra sighed. “I don’t mind telling you.” She looked away, lost in thought for a time. “I really did love him, you know, for a long time. At first, it was wonderful. He was so gentle, so loving, and so considerate. It was ‘first love’ for both of us, and there were so many things to learn about each other, about love…”
“When did you realize that you loved me instead of Kelsey?” Anomen asked.
“It didn’t happen all at once…you know how it was, after we defeated Irenicus and my soul was restored to me, it finally looked like we might have peace for a time. Kelsey started planning a future for us; what we might do, where we might live, even marriage and children. But instead of being excited at the prospect of settling down with him, my heart just quailed at the thought.”
“At first I thought it was because I wasn’t quite ready to give up adventuring, or ready for a commitment. I told myself that would just take a little time for me to get accustomed to the idea of a “normal” life. After all, Kelsey was my true love, what else could I want!”
“Then there was you. I noticed that you were calmer, less angry, and you finally seemed at peace with your new life and your role as an adventuring warrior-priest.” She smiled and touched his cheek. “You were always there to protect me or heal me when I needed it, and never asked for anything more than the chance to travel with us and help me in my quest. Sometimes, though, I thought I saw a look in your eyes that made me wonder whether you had entirely forgotten your love for me.”
She smiled. “Then came the awful day when I found myself resenting the string of pretty barmaids that found their way into your bed. Not to mention that lovely creature, what was her name…Faenelle?…that you met in Suldanesselar.”
Anomen reddened. “My lady…” he began.
“Oh, I don’t blame you, love. That was what confused me so. I had no reason to be jealous or resentful of any woman in your life. After all, I had turned you away because I loved Kelsey! Despite my best intentions, I found my thoughts turning to you more and more often, and watching you for signs that you might still care. But I couldn’t admit to myself that I loved you, because I knew the cost of doing so would be terrible. When you approached me tonight, I could no longer deny how much I desired you and wanted to be with you.”
“I will be forever grateful for that, my lady.” Anomen said, and kissed her eagerly.
After a few moments, she gently pushed him away. “Anomen, can we go back to your room? It just doesn’t seem…right being here with you this way.”
“Of course, Cassandra. I understand,” he replied, and they left the room arm-in-arm.
***
As they neared the stairs, they saw Imoen approaching them.
“So it’s true? You’ve left Kelsey for him?” Cassandra started to respond, but Imoen continued before she could speak. “Cassandra, could I speak to you alone, please?” Anomen’s lips tightened but he did not protest when Imoen took her sister further down the hall where they could speak privately.
“I ran into Kelsey a little while ago, and he was raving about how you had slept with Anomen and were going to leave him. It was so sudden, at first I didn’t believe him—I thought it was some kind of weird misunderstanding.” She glanced at Anomen, who was waiting impatiently for them to finish. “But I guess it’s true.”
She looked at her sister searchingly “Cass, are you sure this is what you want? Anomen? I know he’s cute, and he’s always had a thing for you, but do you think you can trust him?” Her voice dropped. “He didn’t
do anything to you, did he?”
Cassandra, looked at her sister, amusement warring with exasperation. “Nothing I didn’t want him to do. I know this was unexpected, but it’s been coming for a while now. This
is what I want. I love Anomen and he loves me.” She sighed. “I’m just sorry I had to hurt Kelsey for us to be together.”
She continued. “Imoen, do you know where Kelsey is now? He wouldn’t tell me where he was going.”
“You can hardly blame him.” Imoen replied. “But he told me that he was going to crash in Kelvim and Mirena’s room for the night.”
Cassandra sighed in relief. “Then at least he’s safe for tonight.”
“’For tonight’ is right! He said that he’s going to stay here and try to help Kelvim and Mirena get out safely. You know how bad the situation is here…even if we’re able to do something about Yaga Shura, in may not be in time to save the city. There’s no guarantee that they’ll make it out alive.”
Cassandra looked anguished. “I know, Imoen, I tried to talk him out of it. I told him I would take him to the pocket plane and try to get him somewhere safe from there, but he wouldn’t even consider it.”
“Can’t say that I blame him for that, either. I’m sure the last thing Kelsey wants to deal with is seeing you and Anomen getting all cozy.” At her sister’s pained look, Imoen added, “But Kelsey’s a smart and capable guy. We just have to hope that’s enough.”
Imoen continued. “You know Cass, Jaheira is going to have a lot of not-so-nice things to say about you dumping our sorcerer and throwing the whole group into an uproar when everybody is out to get us already. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes tomorrow.”
The look on Cassandra’s face told Imoen that she could imagine the conversation only too well. Imoen put a comforting arm around her sister. “I like Kelsey a lot, and I don’t want anything to happen to him, but if this is what you want, sis, then I’m with you. Even though I
really don’t understand it.” She added in an undertone.
Cassandra hugged her sister. “Thanks, that means a lot to me. See you tomorrow.”
Imoen left to return to her own room, and Cassandra leaned against Anomen’s broad chest, standing for a few moments in exhausted silence. Finally, Cassandra spoke. “Anomen, do you realize it’s only been a few hours since you first approached me, here on this very spot? It seems like
years.” She smiled up at him. “Of course, parts of it were very nice.”
He returned her smile. “I am glad to hear it, my love. I agree, and would even suggest that some of it bears repeating.” Her answering look was all the reply he needed.
***
They lay together in silence in Anomen’s small room, which was lit only by the coals of the fire and occasional flashes from the fireballs thrown by Yaga Shura’s catapults visible through the small window across from the bed.
Anomen spoke. “Cassandra, my love, is something wrong? You seem troubled—are you still concerned about Kelsey?”
“That’s part of it. I was just thinking about how much simpler everything seemed when we were just trying to raise the money to rescue Imoen from Irenicus. You know, smite evil, earn some gold, and then we were a little closer to having the money for the Shadow Thieves’ fee.”
“Ever since Spellhold, it has gotten so much more complicated and…personal. First, Irenicus tried to use my soul to get revenge on his people, and now with this fighting between the other Children of Bhaal, I just can’t seem to escape what I am and the people trying to use me. If I were the only one at risk, or if it were even just the group, it wouldn’t be so bad, but the stakes keep getting higher and more innocents suffer. I’ve always tried to do the right thing, but just like with Kelsey, my good intentions aren’t enough. After everything I’ve…we’ve…accomplished, I feel so
helpless. Helpless to keep Kelsey from harm, helpless to save Saradush.”
Anomen held her tighter and kissed her forehead. “Cassandra, I know little about prophecies and Realms-spanning battles between godlings, but regrets born of good intentions gone terribly awry I know only too well. Would that I had some profound wisdom to offer, but I have found there is naught
to do but awaken every morn and try anew, praying to your god that you have learned from your mistakes.”
“But take heart, my love. Whatever your destiny may be, whatever forces are arrayed against you, know that you do not have to face them alone. I will be at your side, as will Imoen and the rest; with you to the last breath, if need be.”
Cassandra looked at him tenderly. “I know, my love. I know.”
They fell silent once again, drawing comfort from one another, as they watched death rain down on Saradush.
END