General
No journal entries in anything I've tested so far except Icelus' Iron Modder entry. Their absence was very conspicuous.
Moneylender Component
Considering I could tell Ceilie he looked rich and have him laugh and invite me to attack him in front of everyone if I dared, it was a little anticlimactic that he was only carrying 16 gold. Does anything happen if you kill him without setting off the Copper Coronet (say, by using the Ring of Human Influence and escorting him into the back after you've killed Lehtinan)?
"So what does money-lending entail?" This question sounds like the PC's brain has leaked out the back of his/her head. "Well, it entails taking some money, you see, and lending it. Hence the name..."
In his initial dialogue with the boy, he spoke entirely in passive voice. I thought that might be a trademark manner of speaking, but now that I'm talking to him he's using active voice, which makes the weird way he spoke to the boy seem just weird.
"That is preposterous!" Um...preposterous? The next sentence, "You are exploiting people's poverty," appears to call for a word that condemns the immorality of his actions, not one that flatly denies their possibility.
He's repetitive, too. "I provide the needy with money to keep them going, which they then repay to me, and a little more, after a certain time." His very next line includes, "I provide them with money to keep them on their feet, which, after a certain period, they return to me...and a little extra."
"Paid," not "payed."
How does he get new victims if the only way to get him to lend money is to threaten to sic the guards on him?
There is no Moiya anywhere in the slums, which stalls me right at the beginning of his quest.
I question the choice of Brus, Gaelan's nephew, to direct the PC to the moneylender. Gaelan is astute enough to realize both that borrowing money from the moneylender is a bad move in the long run and that he doesn't want to have to explain to the PC why his nephew gave such bad advice. Brus might mention that the moneylender exists, but I'd expect it to be in the form of, "There's a moneylender, but you should steer clear o' him."
Icelus' Iron Modder entry
The concluding journal entry for Icelus' Iron Modder entry says "final act of passion," which makes it sound like they did a little more than kiss.
Mae'Var
Swishswishswish, hm? All Mae'Var's thieves are hidden in the shadows, I take it? Very nice touch.
The Harpers
The Harpers seem oddly quick to trust, considering the neutrality of "A mage sent me to retrieve his captured companion." I wouldn't expect them to open up about their plans until you indicated more clearly that you wanted to betray Xzar to them, with something like, "A Zhentarim mage wanted me to infiltrate your compound, and I played along so that I could tell you about him."
After receiving the bird/assassin from Meronia, all the Harpers on the first floor still address me like I'm being set up to sneak upstairs, talking about the guardians and their amulets. Even Meronia acts like there was never a plan to set you up--"Rylock evidently considered it wise to allow you in"? That might make sense if they have a backup plan for if you betray them to Xzar, which I don't know because (see below).
Berinvar and Meronia also seem remarkably unsurprised when I tell them about Montaron, considering they were setting me up and didn't expect me to suddenly tell them the truth.
My conversation with Lucette after she kills Xzar is effectively unchanged from when I was acting as a dupe, except for the loss of a couple of my conversation options. I still have no choice but to act shocked ("You mean Meronia actually meant you were going to kill him when she said you were going to kill him?") and Lucette still chides me as if I'd tried to help Xzar against the Harpers, instead of being allied with them.
Right after Xzar killed Lucette--and I mean right after, before he said anything more, while he was standing there--Meronia appeared to collect Jaheira for her standard return to the Harper Hold. Jaheira, incidentally, offered not a word of protest to my selling out Lucette.
Xzar sent me back to find out what really happened to Montaron, and I found the door unpickably locked and the door guard gone. Some part of this may have had to do with Jaheira's departure right after Lucette died.