Author Topic: Comments on "Fog of War"  (Read 1763 times)

Offline jcompton

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Comments on "Fog of War"
« on: December 29, 2004, 09:30:41 AM »
(Oops, I haven't posted comments yet? Nobody else has either? I guess this is why the old business rule, "never put out press releases or fanfics around holidays" exists!)

I'm always intrigued by Kelsey stories (even the ones where his only role is to wave goodbye as the protagonist goes off to adventure with her REAL friends) although I feel compelled to remind everyone, once again, that it's not like we require that a certain percentage of PPG fanfics involve him. :)

I especially enjoyed the first few chapters, although I was confused by the ending--not because you left the TOB story unresolved but because you didn't really choose a note of closure. We have these new companions, we've met Balthazar and are heading off to Sendai... and, finito? If you're looking for a mixed message of "the deed done, but more to come" I'd say that ending after resolving Marlowe and his daughter, with perhaps some brief reflection on the endless tasks ahead, would leave us with the sense that the door had been closed. Here, I really had to double-take that you meant to end the story.

But, any time you need that creative break, feel free to share, as they say in the business, more please.
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!" http://www.pocketplane.net

Offline cliffette

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Re: Comments on "Fog of War"
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2004, 06:01:29 PM »
I was confused about the ending too.

I really liked the relationship between Imoen and Ell, especially the scene where Ell tries to heal Imoen. The entire story has a beautiful tone of melancholy about it, even during Ell's more hopeful stance toward the end. The 'deathwish' is an unusual concept, but really quite fitting, and I liked how you addressed the conflicting stories about Ell's mother.

At first I didn't like the transitions between first-person monologue and second-person storytelling because I really enjoyed the first person writing, but by the end, they made for a nice contrast and kept Ell's outlook consistent, despite her changed circumstances.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2004, 06:19:33 PM by cliffette »

Offline perricath

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Re: Comments on "Fog of War"
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2004, 01:28:55 AM »
Yeah... I agree, it's a blah, not comfortable ending. Will either re-work or add to. (I know, you'd prefer the add-to. Juh-eez.)

Honestly, the problem is that by the time I got to the ending, I'd already forgotten the frustrations of Amkethran because I'd spent my 1.5 hours of Daily Gaming Time for 6 EFFIN' DAYS fighting with Melissan's Never-ending Tour of the World of Demons, as seen on the Home Shopping Network. Looking at the journal, I'd also been working overtime trying to get some other project done, so it looks like I really just ran out of gas.

We're starting over as soon as Mr. Cath gets satisfied with what mods he wants and gets a disk image burned (easier than installing twice, especially since tutu is so touchy on the mac), but I may go back and play TOB again to get back in her head so I can give this a bit better wrap-up.

Thanks for the feedback.

PC
"All is chaos under Heaven, and the situation is excellent." - Chairman Mao

Offline jcompton

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Re: Comments on "Fog of War"
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2004, 08:43:38 AM »
Honestly, the problem is that by the time I got to the ending, I'd already forgotten the frustrations of Amkethran

Which reminds me--you keep calling it "Athkethran" in the story.
Cespenar says, "Kelsey and friends be at the Pocket Plane? Ohhh yesssss!" http://www.pocketplane.net

Offline Veloxyll

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Re: Comments on "Fog of War"
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2005, 08:56:32 AM »
All the pulling of people from lands unknown has melded Atkathla and Amkethran into a new city.

I quite enjoyed it over all. Put me in the pile that wants it to be added to rather than re-written :P
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Offline Daerthax

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Re: Comments on "Fog of War"
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2005, 12:30:03 PM »
I'm going to agree with the opinions stated here. It was a great story, but how it ends is lacking something.
All men die, it's just a matter of how and when. - William Wallace, Braveheart

What we do in life echos in eternity - Maximus, Gladiator

Death smiles at us all, all we can do is smile back. - Marcus Aurelius, Gladiator

Offline Bons

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Re: Comments on "Fog of War"
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2005, 06:22:52 PM »
I really enjoyed many aspects of this. Probably what I liked most was the raw, frank, sometimes fatalistic portrayal of the Bhaalspawn's voice, enough so that when Xan appeared, I appreciated the difference, as well as his, "Is it contagious?" comment. :)

I'm going to echo the other commenters in saying it feels like the end of a chapter, not the end of the story. Get some more ToB playing in, because this is an intriguing enough depiction that it really cries and begs for development through the final battle. So, yeah, more, please.
Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word "community" were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

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