Author Topic: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.  (Read 9185 times)

Offline JPS

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #50 on: October 19, 2004, 05:52:23 PM »
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15 minutes to make a sandwich?  How the heck is that manly?  That post was way too sissy for me to even finish reading.

Inspired by this thread, I made my first attempt ever at cooking tofu today. My recipe also takes longer than 15 minutes, but it contains beer and turnips and is thereby manly by definition. Here we go:

1 piece (or should that be 'block'? 'chunk'? 'glob'? Yes, I think 'glob' comes pretty close) of tofu

1-2 onions (I used red onions, because I like them. If you're too manly to eat anything that's red, any kind of onion should do)

1 turnip (Your manly instincts may tell you to use the largest turnip you can find, but go for a small one if you can. It's not the size, it's what you do with it. And the large ones tend to be dry and don't taste very well)

2-3 portobello mushrooms (you can probably use any kind of mushroom, as long as it's not poisonous. Some mushrooms are illegal, though)

1 bottle of beer (I used "McCallum's Stout", because I'm a sucker for phrases like "Since 1762" and "Hand crafted in Scotland". It would probably make more sense to use something cheap, since it's going to be boiled with the rest of the stuff anyway. I should probably take another look at the bottle to see if it really says "hand crafted", too, because that doesn't make any sense to me. Unless Scottish brewers brew beer in their cupped hands. Which would probably be very manly, but not very hygienic)

a handful of rice noodles (or more, if you have small hands. Or if you like noodles)
garlic
soy sauce
powdered chili

Cut the tofu into pieces (with a cutlass, if you have one, because pirates are way cool. An ordinary knife will also do) and soak them (the pieces, not the pirates) in soy sauce (with added garlic) for a while. Realize that you're going to need some kind of pot or pan to cook the tofu in, and spend up to five minutes finding one. Heat oil (Yeah, I didn't say you were going to need oil, but I'm sure you'll manage. Olive oil is good. Other kinds of vegetable oil will do. Motor oil should only be used if you really don't have anything else) in the pot or pan (let's say it's a pan, because it was).

Put the tofu in the pan, and start slicing the onions, the turnip and the mushrooms. Find the powdered chili and realize that you should have used it already. Dump it into the pan when nobody is looking.

Add the onion slices, and start looking for a lid. When you've found the lid, add the turnip slices and put the lid on the pan. Wait. Add a bit of salt. Wait again. Add the mushrooms. Wait some more.

Open the bottle of beer, look at it longingly and then pour it into the pan. Remember to lift the lid first. Let the whole thing boil for about fifteen minutes. Stir vigorously, not because it's needed, but because looking at a pan for fifteen minutes is kind of boring. Add the noodles, wait for a couple of minutes, or until the noodles are getting soft (that takes a couple of minutes, incidentally).

Umm... that's about it. I was planning to add something informative and/or humorous at the end, but I can't think of anything.
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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« Reply #51 on: October 19, 2004, 06:20:45 PM »
I used red onions, because I like them. If you're too manly to eat anything that's red, any kind of onion should do
i would be more concerned with yeller onions...
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portobello mushrooms
portobello sounds a bit fancy-schmance.
Quote
"McCallum's Stout"
here's where we hit a definite grey area.  what arbiter of manliness are we working from, anyway?  because the seemingly-overarching north american one seems to rely on blind devotion to the lowest common denominators of malt beverages.  it can certainly be argued, with or without clarity, that there are far manlier beverages than coors, bud, molson, et al. in the world.  i personally hold up the scots as one of the inherently manlier races, but for some there is The Kilt Thing...

 (i also personally adore portobellos{london broil style!!} and red onions{preferably raw, but grill all the other colours crispy, but let those pass.)

Quote
I was planning to add something informative and/or humorous at the end, but I can't think of anything.
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Offline Andyr

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #52 on: October 19, 2004, 06:26:06 PM »
Portabello mushrooms are also nice.
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #53 on: October 19, 2004, 06:33:03 PM »

 yeah, they're oKAY... :-[
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Offline Caedwyr

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #54 on: October 19, 2004, 06:42:08 PM »
I think there are several issues that need to be considered.

1. If a pirate were to eat tofu, would that make tofu manly?  Since by definition pirates are manly.

2.  Since tofu comes from Soya Beans, and beans are eaten lots in Mexico, does that make Tofu manly?  Its important to consider that Mexico has attacked the U.S.A, which requires much manliness.

3. Since Samurai eat tofu, are they considered manly or does it make them a Sissy.  This one may not be so clear as the Pirate=manly.  More discussion is needed on this point.





As a complete aside, tofu=taste absorber.  Awesome buritos can be made using tofu in place of the normal chicken, and chicken=!manly.
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Offline Ghreyfain

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #55 on: October 19, 2004, 06:50:22 PM »
I have a shaker sitting on my counter that's full of dried peppers that are red, but they are not Red Peppers.  They're habaneros.  Red Peppers are sweet, not spicy.  What the heck is going on here?

I'm also told that eating a portabella is like eating a steak, so that sort of balances things out against the whole hoidy-toidy thing associated with eating insanely expensive stuff.  Not that I'd ever condone eating a vegetable in place of a steak, mind you.

As for onions, ummmm... well, the red ones are the sweetest, so they could be faintly sissyish.  Then again, Texas Sweet onions are sweet, but no one ever accused Texas of being a wuss-state.  Obviously a very confusing topic, the masculinity levels of food.
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Offline JPS

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #56 on: October 19, 2004, 08:18:44 PM »
I'm also told that eating a portabella is like eating a steak, so that sort of balances things out against the whole hoidy-toidy thing associated with eating insanely expensive stuff.  Not that I'd ever condone eating a vegetable in place of a steak, mind you.

Are portobello mushrooms insanely expensive? I never noticed, and I eat them regularely. Umm... you could steal them, I suppose. That should be manly enough (although a friend of mine went to a feminist self defense camp with a group of anarko-feminists, who had stolen some of the food that was served there, so if your masculinity is in doubt, stealing food will not automatically solve your problems. On the other hand, nobody ever accused anarko-feminists of being sissies, which was what the discussion was originally about).

Quote
As for onions, ummmm... well, the red ones are the sweetest, so they could be faintly sissyish.  Then again, Texas Sweet onions are sweet, but no one ever accused Texas of being a wuss-state.  Obviously a very confusing topic, the masculinity levels of food.

Which is where the beer comes in. "When your masculinity is questioned, add alcohol", I believe the saying goes.
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Offline melora

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #57 on: October 19, 2004, 08:29:44 PM »


@Melora: Anything with Mayo is gross.



 

how about peanut butter and jelly with Mayo?  that was one of his favorites!
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Offline neriana

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #58 on: October 19, 2004, 08:44:39 PM »
I have a shaker sitting on my counter that's full of dried peppers that are red, but they are not Red Peppers.  They're habaneros.  Red Peppers are sweet, not spicy.  What the heck is going on here?

The strange ways of Canadia are apparently confusing you. Red pepper flakes are made from dried hot peppers. Of what kind, I do not know.

@melora: I just ate, and now I'm wishing I hadn't. Yech.
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #59 on: October 19, 2004, 09:07:00 PM »
2.  Since tofu comes from Soya Beans, and beans are eaten lots in Mexico, does that make Tofu manly?  Its important to consider that Mexico has attacked the U.S.A, which requires much manliness.
too many types of beans.  let's not get carried away here.

Quote
3. Since Samurai eat tofu, are they considered manly or does it make them a Sissy.  This one may not be so clear as the Pirate=manly.  More discussion is needed on this point.

 i absolutely balk at calling anyone with standard-issue nikken and a culturally-reinforced chip on their shoulder a 'sissy'.  :-\

 imo, the pirate image was somewhat ill-founded on certain persons being jealous/envious of others who got to live on the high seas.  there are arguments {unlikely to hold water on PPG, i'll freely admit} holding that pirates, stereotypically, are too flamboyant to be manly.

EDIT: no i did NOT mean nisei! ::)
« Last Edit: October 19, 2004, 09:21:02 PM by Reverendratbastard »
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Offline icelus

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #60 on: October 19, 2004, 09:12:08 PM »
there are arguments {unlikely to hold water on PPG, i'll freely admit} holding that pirates, stereotypically, are too flamboyant to be manly.

Thank you.  That makes for an awesome signature quote.  :)
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #61 on: October 19, 2004, 09:21:32 PM »
at last i have made my fleeting mark. ;D
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Offline Sinladie

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #62 on: October 20, 2004, 12:38:42 AM »
I have seem some good ones in my time and I agree that would be a great one. :)
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Offline julwise

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #63 on: October 20, 2004, 01:10:34 AM »
Why don't you just pick a manly language, like german or something, and see weather the noun for "tofu" (or any food, really) is masculine, feminine, or neuter.

Offline Eral

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #64 on: October 20, 2004, 02:55:56 AM »
Having read that article in the Testostorone magazine that Jester posted (go on, tell me how you first began to suscribe to it), it's all over people. Tofu lowers your testostorone levels.
Sissy as.

And the recipes were so good.
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Offline Evaine Dian

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #65 on: October 20, 2004, 03:19:18 AM »
Why don't you just pick a manly language, like german or something, and see weather the noun for "tofu" (or any food, really) is masculine, feminine, or neuter.

Tofu is masculine in German, but I don't think that makes it manly  :)
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #66 on: October 20, 2004, 04:08:17 AM »
Having read that article in the Testostorone magazine that Jester posted (go on, tell me how you first began to suscribe to it), it's all over people. Tofu lowers your testostorone levels.

  well, if testosterone is truly a clincher, then are we to consider increased vulnerability to infection, male pattern baldness and low sperm count inherently manly traits?
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Offline Eral

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #67 on: October 20, 2004, 05:38:47 PM »
If tofu caused them, could we consider it unsissy?

Perhaps tofu's essential problem is that it is good for you. Hence it's wussy rep.
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Offline glain

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #68 on: October 20, 2004, 05:53:44 PM »
I'm also told that eating a portabella is like eating a steak, so that sort of balances things out against the whole hoidy-toidy thing associated with eating insanely expensive stuff.  Not that I'd ever condone eating a vegetable in place of a steak, mind you.

Are portobello mushrooms insanely expensive? I never noticed, and I eat them regularely. Umm... you could steal them, I suppose. That should be manly enough (although a friend of mine went to a feminist self defense camp with a group of anarko-feminists, who had stolen some of the food that was served there, so if your masculinity is in doubt, stealing food will not automatically solve your problems. On the other hand, nobody ever accused anarko-feminists of being sissies, which was what the discussion was originally about).
Portobello's are usually expensive but they are a great substitute for meat in a hamburger. I like them with Swiss cheese but they are best sautee'd and eaten with steak. ;D
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Offline jester

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #69 on: October 21, 2004, 08:02:58 AM »
@testosterone: Eral, I have a beer or two every now and then to counter too much testosterone, like any man should. :) I also subscribed to Estrogen Weekly to balance that other erm publication.

@ Sissy=TofU:

It's got a package of almond-flavoured tofu in there, a banana, a good dose of blueberries and strawberries, and some sort of mango/pineapple/orange juice I had in the fridge.

Actually tofu is the last thing you have to worry about:

1. Real man never eat any fruit. (Hunting fruit is no fun)
2. They equally reject salads and anything else that can be gathered by creatures as lowly as wimin.
3. A SHAKE???!!!

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Gurak: Well, my fellow Barbarians, then I sunk my teeth into a tasty....... shake.
Fellow Barbarians: ???*Grunt* (WTF?)

Gurak gets instantly demoted to gathering berries on the hunter's sekrit peeing grounds.
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Offline Ghreyfain

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #70 on: October 21, 2004, 10:00:19 AM »
You're forgetting one key part of manliness here.  Laziness.  Why would I bother hunting down some wild animal when I could just choke down some vile sludge of super nutrients, and get back to conquering the galaxy?
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Offline jester

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #71 on: October 21, 2004, 03:19:14 PM »
Laziness + inability to do the demanded task properly has freed me from most household duties in the past. I think I see the light.
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: Tofu: Not just for sissies any more.
« Reply #72 on: October 21, 2004, 06:05:21 PM »

 okay, the criteria are becoming clearer.
 manly - not necessarily virile
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