Author Topic: A question for all the gaming couples out there  (Read 10068 times)

Offline Kish

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #25 on: October 13, 2004, 02:46:17 AM »
The idea that romance requires sex is very limiting.  There are lots of people in the world who aren't physically capable of sex.  By your* argument, that would mean they are also incapable of being in love, or having someone be in love with them.

*This is obviously not a reply to the person it's posted directly after.  I could have quoted one person, but it is a reply to more than one person.
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some attitudes can't be seen from screen
Unless you can read minds, there are always some attitudes you can't see.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2004, 02:48:24 AM by Kish »
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #26 on: October 13, 2004, 02:47:45 AM »

 penny number one:  chaste affairs aren't put down because they're impossible.
 penny number two:  they're put down by people who either don't grasp them, or find them too challenging.  (or have no empathy for the choiceless impotent/damaged/traumatized)
 
 EDIT: how do you say [strike][/strike] in this necko'th'woods?
« Last Edit: October 13, 2004, 04:04:53 AM by Reverendratbastard »
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Offline Da_venom

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #27 on: October 13, 2004, 03:11:43 AM »
The idea that romance requires sex is very limiting.  There are lots of people in the world who aren't physically capable of sex.  By your* argument, that would mean they are also incapable of being in love, or having someone be in love with them.

*This is obviously not a reply to the person it's posted directly after.  I could have quoted one person, but it is a reply to more than one person.

kish i didn't sex is a must have i said it was very important to a relation there have been some test and sex is indeed important *BUT* it surely isn't needed to keep romance going or love

and sure u can love someone even if he/she isn't incapable of love you can love a person from his attitude personalty or the like

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some attitudes can't be seen from screen
Unless you can read minds, there are always some attitudes you can't see.

and with attiudes  i mean some things u see in real life..for example when your partner is confronted with a problem in real it's nice to see how he/she confronts it

or handles things, you don't see those things on screen

and besides you surely can't love a person from behind screen before knowing/seen her/him in real life

for example u can find an actor or actress atractive you see only the outside, does it mean that u can fall in love with her/him? by only seeing outside?
 
or for internet only seeing some lines and text and maybe webcam seeing the person?

love is seeing the person and seeing the inside all around and if u ever gonna make your mind living with eachother u SURELY can see differences in atitudes

and if u still can keep it up loving him/her the like then u can say it's really love

you can't base it on one thing



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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #28 on: October 13, 2004, 03:48:43 AM »
I say requires (not to be arrogant, don't be rude and snotty, Neriana) because love has to be expressed. And received. It's two-way, or it's a failed emotion.
People who are physically incapable of sex are not incapable of being in love or being loved, but they are not going to express their love in the most satisfying way. Perhaps they find other ways to express it. Or else, they get to be involved in friendships, not romances.
What's romance? Excitement, being in love, pheromes or whatever they are. Come on. There's got to be sex for there to be any fun in a romance.

No physical contact= friendship. I didn't say a bad relationship or one that doesn't work. Do you want to say sorry and be friends again?

Offline Kish

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2004, 03:58:18 AM »
I say requires (not to be arrogant, don't be rude and snotty, Neriana) because love has to be expressed. And received. It's two-way, or it's a failed emotion.
People who are physically incapable of sex are not incapable of being in love or being loved, but they are not going to express their love in the most satisfying way. Perhaps they find other ways to express it. Or else, they get to be involved in friendships, not romances.
What's romance? Excitement, being in love, pheromes or whatever they are. Come on. There's got to be sex for there to be any fun in a romance.

No physical contact= friendship. I didn't say a bad relationship or one that doesn't work. Do you want to say sorry and be friends again?
So you're telling anyone who is in a long-distance romantic relationship, "What you have is actually a friendship.  What you think it is doesn't matter--I know better.  Don't be offended, that's not the same as saying it's a bad relationship."  And you see nothing arrogant about this?  Someone else is being rude and snotty?

I...doubt you'll be receiving any apologies anytime soon.
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Offline SimDing0™

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2004, 04:07:10 AM »
I ask a genuine question here, out of curiousity: What IS the difference between love and friendship?

Offline Veloxyll

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2004, 04:07:24 AM »
With all the jokes out there about marriage = nosecks I imagine there's some truth to them. so does that mean these people are no longer involved in a romance?

There's nothing concrete about what a romance MUST or CAN'T have...well, except restraining orders perhaps
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #32 on: October 13, 2004, 04:37:44 AM »
 marriage is not inherently linked with romance.  an unfortunate plenty of marriages don't have any romance left in them, and a few might never have had any to begin with.
 the catch22 [of a sort] is that marriage has a very serious, intense connotation (to those who even consider it, at least), and even some marriages that begin in a romantic spirit are embarked upon merely for the sake of the intensity of the feelings between the two, but with some potentially crucial perspective lacking.  [plenty of people won't approve of "analyzing" such things from within a partnership/couplehood/whathaveyou, and i'm not the one to gainsay them. yet i observe, and likely subserve often enough...]
  some people expect service which they [sometimes immediately] fail to earn.
 [too many people expect obedience that nobody deserves.]
  some people move in together too soon.
  some people have sex too soon.
  some people have sex too late.
  some people meet in elementary school and never stray or look back and live full happy lives with or without children or pets.
  and naturally, foresight is never 20/20.  except for kassandra's, of course, and look where that got her.

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What IS the difference between love and friendship?

  friendship's a pretty easy one, ne?  but love is so bandied about, with such a huge spectrum of association and expectation... well, let's just hope nobody attempts to give a definitive answer - just a lot of personal ones would be nice (and i 'spect what you were 'specting in the first place).  (it's too bad that the religions that go on about it the most are riddled with either aliens [hare krsna] or hypocrites [xtians]... actually quakers are pretty close to the genuine mark, from where i'm standing)
  to me, love is a deeply warm, heady and inspiring draught of acceptance, appreciation, and affection.
  i also find that it intermingles with attraction, devotion, obsession, desperation, ecstasy, idiocy, bravery, and a host of others, sometimes so subtly that they are mistaken for the same thing [party 3 sees 1's love as desperation, while 1 sees their own obsession as love, e.g.].
  in my life, first, second, or third hand, it's too often a tough call.
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Offline jester

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #33 on: October 13, 2004, 05:15:41 AM »
@difference love and friendship?

Friendship is in the heart, love goes (also) much deeper. :P

See Harry and Sally for details....
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #34 on: October 13, 2004, 05:54:32 AM »
'when harry met sally' (to which you might not be referring?) is one of my favorite movies of the '80s, but not because i agree with its pat answer(s).
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Offline Veloxyll

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #35 on: October 13, 2004, 07:05:17 AM »
Love goes much deeper *giggles*
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Offline cliffette

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #36 on: October 13, 2004, 07:30:22 AM »
It's possible to feel romantic about someone without feeling sexually attracted to them, but it might depend on your definition of romance.

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #37 on: October 13, 2004, 08:07:30 AM »

So you're telling anyone who is in a long-distance romantic relationship, "What you have is actually a friendship. What you think it is doesn't matter--I know better. Don't be offended, that's not the same as saying it's a bad relationship." And you see nothing arrogant about this? Someone else is being rude and snotty?

I...doubt you'll be receiving any apologies anytime soon.
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No, I'm not actually. I'm saying what I think. It's my opinion. You seem to think to think I am attacking you personally. I'm not. And you and Neriana are being rude. 
That last comment was meant to be light-hearted. But I see that you do not see this as a discussion.


Offline Reverendratbastard

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« Reply #38 on: October 13, 2004, 08:14:58 AM »

Quote from: cliffette
It's possible to feel romantic about someone without feeling sexually attracted to them, but it might depend on your definition of romance.

 holy wow is that the FOOTROT FLATS dog???

 not that i should be utterly shocked, i knew there were some of my favorite co-nationals floating around here already...
 now i'm going to dig up grandad's "saltbush bill" collection again!

 *topic self-policing*
 you're absolutely right on both counts.
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Offline Da_venom

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #39 on: October 13, 2004, 08:41:19 AM »
well if it's about "YOUR" definition than you could just scrap the thread :P

everybody has his own definition about things so lay close and some don't

and how can u say my definition is better than yours?


Offline Ashara

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #40 on: October 13, 2004, 09:54:38 AM »
I say requires (not to be arrogant, don't be rude and snotty, Neriana) because love has to be expressed. And received. It's two-way, or it's a failed emotion.
People who are physically incapable of sex are not incapable of being in love or being loved, but they are not going to express their love in the most satisfying way. Perhaps they find other ways to express it. Or else, they get to be involved in friendships, not romances.
What's romance? Excitement, being in love, pheromes or whatever they are. Come on. There's got to be sex for there to be any fun in a romance.

No physical contact= friendship. I didn't say a bad relationship or one that doesn't work. Do you want to say sorry and be friends again?

O, so all the stories of unrequited love or non-consumated love gotta be friendships... mine, mine... Forgive me, but your utilitarian 'shag or it's not love' approach amuses this old-fashioned romantic.
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #41 on: October 13, 2004, 10:30:00 AM »
well if it's about "YOUR" definition than you could just scrap the thread :P

everybody has his own definition about things so lay close and some don't

and how can u say my definition is better than yours?

  you may or may not be responding to me, but no matter to whom you're responding, you resound with the vibrant defensiveness of youth.  who has said anyone's definition is better than anyone else's?  that the question would likely produce a wide variety of answers was a point i was making, and i haven't seen anyone refute that point, or claim that they have love and friendship sussed for the whole planet.

  however, and in fact dovetailing back to online vs face-to-face...  it is regrettably frequent that the lack of access to body language, interpretation of inflection and such, results in people making assumptions about tone.  some things can obviously be implied, hamhandedly[e.g. >:(] or otherwise, but especially in the realm of the translation of poster-intent, it's my theory that inference is far, far, far more common than implication.]
  but regardless, we will all blow off steam as we see fit, consciously or otherwise...  so don't let's forget those deep breaths, my synaptic siblings... :pirate
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Offline neriana

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #42 on: October 13, 2004, 05:32:21 PM »
Contradicting someone is not being "rude and snotty", Eral. Especially since you were saying, "I know what everyone else feels better than they do, and it's my way or nothing." Telling someone their relationship cannot possibly be love is deeply offensive, and claiming that you can't have love without sex is contradicted by the literature and experience of millenia. Further, love is never a "failed emotion", whatever that means. Emotions are emotions, how can they "fail"? As Victor Hugo wrote, "To love another person is to see the face of God." Love is never "failed", it's expansive, humanizing, liberating. It can be deeply sad or joyous, and often both at once. Not getting what you want from someone when you love them doesn't mean your love is not true. It just means that the relationship does not work, and cannot work if the other person doesn't love you, and it's time to move on. That love is not wasted because it didn't "buy" you sex. In fact, if that's how someone looks at love, as something they need payment for, they've got some big problems.

Sim: Define love, eh? Well, poets and philosophers through the ages have tried, I don't think I can do any better. I would call it extreme generosity of spirit, partially, I guess. Friendship + sex does not equal love; think of all the friends who fool around with each other but don't have Relationships and are not in love. In my experience and that of everyone I've discussed it with (which is like 2 other women my age, so take with blocks of salt), if you know you're in love, you are. If you have to think about it, you're not. So basically, when you feel like you've been hit by a Mac truck, there ya go. I do know that love isn't enough to make a relationship work on its own.
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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #43 on: October 13, 2004, 07:10:31 PM »
...if you know you're in love, you are. If you have to think about it, you're not.

  furthermore, genuine extant feeling can be dispelled by forced or excessive thought.  'thought' in this context, i'm assuming to be the questioning, occam's razor (or anyone else's razor, really) type of thought.

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. I do know that love isn't enough to make a relationship work on its own.

  true.  the way the love is - 'processed'? - is the Work.  (not to get overly gurdjieff-y)
  i need to work on my vocabulary.
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Offline cliffette

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #44 on: October 14, 2004, 02:11:04 AM »
It is indeed the Grey Ghost. :)

Eral was not saying that sexual attraction is required for love, she was saying that sexual attraction is required for romance. If you love someone and yearn for them sexually, you are feeling romantic about them, whether that is requited or not. If you love someone and don't yearn for them sexually, you are feeling love for them - but not romantic about them.

So in a way (let me know, Eral, if I'm reading incorrectly) the point being made is that you may have love without the romance, whether that be love between friends or love between a ye olde couple that doesn't have access to viagra. The love without the romance is just as valid, true and worthy as that with the romance - but it's still not romantic.

PS I disagree in the case of the ye olde couple, but that's because I'm a sentimental fool.

Offline Alarielle

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #45 on: October 14, 2004, 04:42:50 AM »
Romance is not reliant on sex.  QED.
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Offline jcompton

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #46 on: October 14, 2004, 09:00:22 AM »
So in a way (let me know, Eral, if I'm reading incorrectly)

That "guest" bit means that a "romance and sex" thread has claimed another poster. Yes, folks, we can all be proud. This is why future "romance and sex" threads will likely come with large-type warnings that they may lead to heart palpitations and gastric distress and should not be read by anyone.
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Offline Veloxyll

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #47 on: October 15, 2004, 02:06:52 AM »
Alas poor Eral, we knew you well! Unless I'm reading this wrong, were you may happily disregard my post!
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Offline jester

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #48 on: October 15, 2004, 03:52:52 AM »
@Jason's warning tag on romance threads:

Actually it deviated a bit from the article I wanted to discuss which of course everybody had a look at just like the odd readme you browse now and then. :P

Edit: typo
« Last Edit: October 15, 2004, 06:47:57 AM by jester »
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Offline cliffette

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #49 on: October 15, 2004, 05:56:47 AM »
Carp.

And Jester, the article was cute. Well, that part you quoted was cute.  :)
« Last Edit: October 15, 2004, 06:02:36 AM by cliffette »