Author Topic: A question for all the gaming couples out there  (Read 10070 times)

Offline jester

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A question for all the gaming couples out there
« on: October 08, 2004, 05:57:42 PM »
comments on this?

Love and romance in the world of Massive Multi Online Role Playing Games
http://www.joystiq.com/entry/3733164641785841/



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Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2004, 07:23:25 PM »
bog help me if i ever become a true [con/fan]dork.  it's bad enough already.  i kind of prefer it when my partner's indifferent to these particular escapist shenanigans of mine.
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Offline melora

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2004, 07:30:34 PM »
My husband has absolutely NO interest in gaming, and that is just fine by me.
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Offline Kismet

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2004, 07:45:28 PM »
When we did play the same games, we almost never quested together.  We just had two different styles of play... I always wanted to take my time and loot everything along the way he just wanted to get to the end...  which just led me to yell at him a whole lot.  :p  Never did the ingame romance thing though.
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Offline Pirengle

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2004, 11:23:02 PM »
I met two of my sig others through gaming: Connie through pool and Nathan through Diablo. The pool was real life.

It's a great way to have a starting bond.
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Offline Slumlord

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2004, 12:30:05 AM »
Well let's see.  Of all the craziest things I met my wife via the internet with IRC (Diablo was pretty much the only online game you didn't have to pay for at the time.)  We've been together for nine years, married for six.  When it comes to gaming, if it has co-op multi-player then we'll play it.  We usually hook up the Diablo II.  Most of the time we come up with strategies by talking across the room.  Forget the in-game typing crap.  Whose got time for that?  Actually, now that I think about it, we're quite like minded when it comes to gaming.  The only argument we ever have is "Hey, I kicked that barrel first, the money is mine." or "Did you kill that guy?  I don't think so, give that back!"

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Never did the ingame romance thing though.

Why bother?  I just disconnect the server.  I prefer the out-game romance better.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2004, 02:53:33 AM by Slumlord »
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Offline Stoplight Red

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2004, 03:37:09 PM »
I'm no' much of an MMORPG fan myself, and neither is my husband. When we do play videogames together, normally it's *for* the competition or cooperation, depending on the game. Kinda kills the point of playing 'together' if you're off doing your own thing, doesn't it?
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Offline jester

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2004, 11:51:26 AM »
I have always been fascinated by the qualities of human interactiom in respect to different levels of reality. What makes someone you sit in a diner with more real than an online chat partner? How much does the relationship suffer when it is only on a telephone? If you get to know people more thoroughly by the way they handle game situations (I took a class in that once at uni), how can you say that the 'real life' acquaintance is more real?
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Offline Da_venom

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2004, 12:04:30 PM »
depends on situation doesn't it?:)

someone u only know from chat or telephone can be nice, but there aren't much talks of going out together somewhere or do something else what ever suits your liking..
neither do u know how your (girl)friend is in in real life..

and in real life when u see a person in real cirscumstances it would be much better to really know a person not only from chat or telephone

* you don't see someone expressions or emotions in chat or telephone*(save for webcam and smilies)

but then again what do *U* understand of life? :D



Offline Slumlord

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2004, 05:41:05 PM »
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What makes someone you sit in a diner with more real than an online chat partner?

Nothing, they are both people.  But with the person in the diner you could have a hell of alot more interaction.  Plus, thery're there. 


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How much does the relationship suffer when it is only on a telephone?

Usually, alot I would imagine.  Especially when long distance bills are involved.  Cha-ching!  And eventually topics of conversation will thin out.


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how can you say that the 'real life' acquaintance is more real?

That's self explanitory.
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Offline neriana

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2004, 05:56:05 PM »

Usually, alot I would imagine.  Especially when long distance bills are involved.  Cha-ching!  And eventually topics of conversation will thin out.

Well, that's what the internet is for. It's free. Also, why would topics of conversation thin out any more than they do in person? Life keeps happening.

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Quote
how can you say that the 'real life' acquaintance is more real?

That's self explanitory.

No, it's not.
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Offline Slumlord

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2004, 06:06:51 PM »
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No, it's not.

They're there. 


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Life keeps happening.

But not always at a 'fast-pace, white-knuckle, in your face' way.  Well, not for everyone anyway.  I've had conversations die down to:

 :)
 :)
  :pirate
 :)
 :D
 ;D
 8)






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Offline jester

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2004, 07:01:23 PM »
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someone u only know from chat or telephone can be nice, but there aren't much talks of going out together somewhere or do something else what ever suits your liking..

Imagine any kind of interaction that involves dialogue other than the question where to go to next. Most things are not so far apart and sometimes it can even be a more profound conversation that way. Whatever suits your liking could be a gaming exchange or taling about records, colours, stuff.


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neither do u know how your (girl)friend is in in real life..
You mean looks like. :) If you see somebody talking on camera, you immediately would assume that the voice and the face belong to the same person. ('The truth about cats and dogs' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117979/). This filter is disputed as evolutional tool sometimes. Just like the smell or scent. Many other things you could find out just like during any other pastime. Reaction to compliments, dreams or turnoffs. Perhaps you are not into redheads, but discover that that girl is your perfect match. Soulmates even. :)

Quote
and in real life when u see a person in real cirscumstances it would be much better to really know a person not only from chat or telephone

* you don't see someone expressions or emotions in chat or telephone*(save for webcam and smilies)
Interaction is different and seeing is believing, but is it *knowing*?

Quote
Quote
What makes someone you sit in a diner with more real than an online chat partner?
Nothing, they are both people.  But with the person in the diner you could have a hell of alot more interaction.  Plus, thery're there.

Actually funny that with cellphones swamping Europe it is a lot easier to talk to somebody on the phone for hours than to sit in a cafe without them answering their calls. (Which should be a giveaway anyway I have to agree. :D). Being there in the sense of emotionally open and present is often questionable even for people who spend a lot of time next to each other.


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how can you say that the 'real life' acquaintance is more real?

That's self explanitory.

After Final Fantasy had been released people talked about replacing real actors by CGI. Well, I claim that most actors are virtual in the sense that their existence in RL is just a lazy assumption we make. (Apart from the fact that I am not bothered, if Brad or George are CGI). I enjoy the films and never get to meet them.

More real? Sure there are different levels of intimacy, but apart from sex, which is still kind of silly on the net (I am not talking about all the other stuff around that), there is a lot of human interaction for the cubicle dwellers. Perhaps Dilbert is the god of some niche in this universe? During the day he/she works a regular job and their collegues have but a vague idea of what they look like on the inside, but in their free time they dream up untold stories and live up to their creative potential. Perhaps that dull guy next door turns out to be one of the most imaginative people you know. After you met him in a game... or at the fight club. :) Every platform gives different opportunites to different people.

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Offline neriana

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2004, 07:11:41 PM »
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No, it's not.

They're there. 

Not enough of an explanation, sorry. I don't forget about people when they aren't directly before me, and I don't think you do either. I know that every single person I meet online is a real person, though some hide behind personas.

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Life keeps happening.

But not always at a 'fast-pace, white-knuckle, in your face' way.  Well, not for everyone anyway.  I've had conversations die down to:

 :)

Then conversations will die down in person, too. There is more to do in person, but frankly if I can't find something to talk about with someone most of the time, I'm not going to be interested in them anywhere.

Meeting someone online has its risks, but so does meeting someone in person (and especially at bars or clubs, yech). And online, you have a lot more time to really get to know what the person's ideals and interests are, and you don't have your body interfering and telling you someone is wonderful for you just because you've got the hots for them physically.
 
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Offline Ghreyfain

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #14 on: October 11, 2004, 07:56:13 PM »
Then conversations will die down in person, too. There is more to do in person, but frankly if I can't find something to talk about with someone most of the time, I'm not going to be interested in them anywhere.

No comfortable silences?
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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2004, 03:21:41 AM »
You only have comfortable silences when you know the other person really well and trust them.

Silence is the true test of a real relationship - does it wither without being constantly maintained, by speech/conversation, or can it tolerate periods of silence? Without contact/speech/conversation there can be no relationship, obviously.

I don't believe in soulmates. I think you get lucky, and a relationship works. My partner and I are different personality types outwardly, we don't like the same books/movies/TV/games/sports/obsessions - and we've been together 11 years.( Don't underestimate the physical. I think it's quite important.) The question in any relationship is can you go across the bridge spanning the gulf between you and that other person? Will you like them when you get there? Will you make the effort to maintain the bridge? Sometimes understanding each other and liking each other is enough.

Friendship works via speech, but I don't think other relationships can. 

Offline Kish

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2004, 03:56:30 AM »
So would you say it's impossible to develop a romantic relationship over the Internet, say--if only friendship works via speech?
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Offline neriana

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #17 on: October 12, 2004, 04:00:24 AM »
Of course being able to maintain a comfortable silence with someone is important. But if you find yourself unable to think of things to say to each other, how can you even begin a relationship? Verbal communication and interesting conversations are more important to some people than others. They are extremely important to me. In fact, when you say "friendship works through speech, but I don't think other relationships can," I don't quite understand. Speech (and the written word) is how we communicate. Without the wonderfully complex communication possible through human speech and writing, we would be monkeys. Even my cats understand the words I say (some at least). Obviously, we can pick up other things from people when we're in the same room with them -- or we think we can.

People are attracted to different things. There are people in the world who look for a very physically attractive mate, and that is it. (An extreme example, of course.) However, people who are primarily attracted by intelligence, ideals, common interests, sense of humor, and other mental qualities, are more likely to find a happy relationship on the internet than others. Personally, I could not handle a partner who had completely different interests than me and who didn't share my most important ideals. (I know this because I tried it, and it was horrible.) Others can, and enjoy those differences. I would never claim that their relationships couldn't possibly work just because I know that type of relationship could not work for me.

So, basically, relationships started and maintained (for a time) on the internet can work very well for the right people, and be disastrous for the wrong people. You can remove "the internet" from that sentence and it still works.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2004, 04:04:32 AM by neriana »
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Offline Da_venom

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2004, 10:41:05 AM »
some philosopy

:D
isn't it all about your values of life and what u do with it?


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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #19 on: October 12, 2004, 10:59:08 AM »
As far as I'm concerned, romance/love is pretty much friendship with some sex drive tacked on. The internet takes away that sex drive, so romance doesn't really work for me. Bit simplistic, eh? Now, I don't want to risk devaluing anyone else's relationships, so this is perhaps one of the few occasions where I'll let people claim greater experience by virtue of being older than me. However, that's how it looks to work from where I'm standing.

Offline Reverendratbastard

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #20 on: October 12, 2004, 11:42:49 AM »
You can remove "the internet" from that sentence and it still works.

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Quote from: jester
Being there in the sense of emotionally open and present is often questionable even for people who spend a lot of time next to each other.

  word to that.  firsthand, secondhand, i can confirm that on all three hands, and contrast it with some of my deepest, longest-standing friendships (several of which started on bulletin boards and strengthened for up to four years before any faces-to-faces-to-names...)

Quote
...I claim that most actors are virtual in the sense that their existence in RL is just a lazy assumption we make... I enjoy the films and never get to meet them.

  as an actor (only one non-stage project, admittedly, but "the principle of the thing, yada yada") i can vouch for that claim - even on stage (with a few experimental exceptions), suspension of disbelief is and always has been key.  (always exceptions, like people who are hard-wired for oral tradition [not to sound dirty :-[] and have no use for the fourth wall, who treat a performance like pure communication (with some entertainment mixed in) and send messages of their own to the performer. (those are one of the peoples with whom it is... difficult... to watch a movie in the cinema.)
 
  and speaking of suspension:
Quote from: neriana
...online, you have a lot more time to really get to know what the person's ideals and interests are, and you don't have your body interfering and telling you someone is wonderful for you just because you've got the hots for them physically.

  not to undermine a well-made point, but add on the counterbalance, which is that online, notwithstanding most webcam usage or "check my modeling portfolio site"s...  one's body (and/or imagination) can 'interfere' with just about anything in this context, at just about any time, with or without substance to back it up (although the imagination might have to 'help' the body on that score)...
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Offline Slumlord

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #21 on: October 12, 2004, 06:30:44 PM »
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Meeting someone online has its risks

Tell me about it, I got married.  8)


Quote
Not enough of an explanation, sorry.

It works for me.


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Without contact/speech/conversation there can be no relationship, obviously.

That's true.  All I can say is at the time I met my wife there was no such thing as chat with voice.  Typing only.  Then the huge phone bills.  But the time came when there was enough talking and time to get to the doing part of the relationship.  The 1200 mile gap had to be closed.  And it did.

Quote
I don't forget about people when they aren't directly before me, and I don't think you do either.

Yes I have.  Either that or age is taking toll on my memory.


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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #22 on: October 13, 2004, 02:16:45 AM »
So would you say it's impossible to develop a romantic relationship over the Internet, say--if only friendship works via speech?

At some point, for a relationship to be classified as a romance, doesn't there have to be physical presence? Physical contact? Sex?
What makes a relationship between two people more than friendship? Sex and intimacy. Sex and love.
We can't possibly say a relationship without sex/sexual attraction is a romance.

when you say "friendship works through speech, but I don't think other relationships can," I don't quite understand.

When you love another adult person without having sex with them, the relationship you have is a friendship. It might be deep and intense and satisfying, but it's a friendship. Friendship can be maintained through words.
To have a sexual relationship with someone you need to be having sex with them. (Please, no-one try to suggest that cyber-sex counts. ::)
To have a love/partnership relationship requires presence, proof and deeds. Words alone do not maintain a love/partnership relationship.

« Last Edit: October 13, 2004, 03:27:26 AM by Eral »

Offline Da_venom

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #23 on: October 13, 2004, 02:22:37 AM »
well ain't sex one of the most important things when u have a partner? :D

and romance via internet... omg:/

you can care someone via internet but really love him/her..before u can love someone u need to get her to know in real life
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Offline neriana

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Re: A question for all the gaming couples out there
« Reply #24 on: October 13, 2004, 02:35:26 AM »
Saying "love requires" anything is very arrogant. It is completely possible to love someone without that person loving you in return. There are as many different ways to love as there are people. The only people who know whether a relationship works and whether the love in it is true are the people in the relationship. Eral, if I were to apply my requirements when it comes to love to your relationship, it wouldn't meet them. I wouldn't do that, because I am not you.

Sex is important, but don't overestimate its importance. You can have a great sexual relationship with someone without being in love with them, and you can be in love with someone without a great sexual relationship. OK, maybe you can't, but don't apply that to everyone. Long distance relationships are suboptimal, but they are every bit as real and true as any other relationship, and considering the trial by fire they undergo, the ones that survive are a hell of a lot stronger than most.
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