Comments on Happily Ever After

[jcompton]

I think it was Custer who said it best:

"Oops."

[Bons]

Wow.

I should say something reflective and insightful here like a good story commentator, but all that I keep thinking is,

Wow.

[Kirwond]

Hey, what's with these short replies? Where's the criticism? 

Kidding.  Thanks very much, you two. And I feel I should use this beautiful pirate smiley, so 

[Pirengle]

Kirwond's done it again! Woo! *waves around a big foam finger*

Only thing I want is more description of the place. How would Malik see everything through his delusions? But then again, if you describe more about the place, you give it away. So I dunno.

[jcompton]

I'm not sure there's really anything to protect vs. give away here. I think the story is as long as it needs to be... and it's pretty clear what's going on. We're just hoping it's not what it looks like.

[Perdita]

A truly chilling story.     I started to think (hope) that maybe it was a prequel, the explanation of how they fell into Irenicus's evil clutches to start with.  It was Bodhi as the helper that made me think that, since I couldn't think of a place where all these conditions could be true:  Jaheira as lover, Imoen free, but Bodhi not known to PC.  An alternate time line?

Another well-done story.     (Obligatory pirate simlie)

Cyn

[Pirengle]

I'm not sure there's really anything to protect vs. give away here. I think the story is as long as it needs to be... and it's pretty clear what's going on. We're just hoping it's not what it looks like.

Kirwond's treading a fine line between completely obscure and "lookee lookee PC in Spellhold getting tortured and giving in!" and she does a really good job. I, personally, hope that this PC really IS in deep kimchee because Kirwond also has a knack for spinning stories from new and unexpected points of view. (Hey, a bad guy Irenicus story where the reader doesn't get into his head at all! Nifty.)

[jcompton]

Yes. Sometimes the bad guy is not there to be bought a cake, but to kill you.

[Kirwond]

Pirengle--I got a foam finger from you? Awesome.  Description is something I struggle with, as my tendency is to be spare with prose. Definitely something I'm working on.  I can see some places where I can describe more fully without giving matters away too early in the story, so I'll play with that a bit. And, yes, Malik is adrift in some deep waters. I don't think he'll be able to swim. 

Perdita--It could be an alternate timeline, I suppose. But, no, Malik has met Bodhi. He just doesn't remember her. I like the idea of something like this happening as a prequel, though... hmmm...

JC--A cake? (*scratches head*) I can tell I'm missing a fun story here.

Thanks, folks, for your wonderful comments. I wasn't sure how well this story would go over, so the response here is encouraging. 

[jcompton]

JC--A cake? (*scratches head*) I can tell I'm missing a fun story here.

Just a tribute to the recent release of TLR.

[Perdita]

Description is something I struggle with, as my tendency is to be spare with prose. Definitely something I'm working on. 

IMO, your stories aren't lacking in description.  Spare is good.  If I read what I think is overly florid or excession description, my eyes glaze over and I see, "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow/gave a luster of midday to objects below."         You can go far letting your reader fill in the details.  I'm reading this book, A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing, and I've realized that her descriptions are almost shorthand, yet I'm having no trouble picturing the settings. 

His farmhouse was a century old, and the walls slanted and sloped, the kitchen had a checkerboard floor, every window looked out on a meadow.

This is the entire description, and IMO it is enough.  The farmhouse this conjures in my mind is undoubtly different from the picture it creates for another reader, but IMO it effectively evokes a full picture.

Cyn and her two cents

[Kirwond]

JC--Ah. Gotcha. I may just have to download that one now and investigate.

Perdita--I've read a number of books where the excess description puts me to sleep. I have a few for that express purpose.  But I still think I could do a lot more with it. (Not really thinking of this story now, but of the one I'm writing at the moment, which is far more traditional fantasy in style.)

Judging from comments I've received on some of my other stuff (not on this forum, by e-mail), I think some readers feel that since this is a fantasy sort of world, there should be big, swooshy fantasy-style description going on. I don't know if they're language lovers or folks who need more direction in picturing the scenes, but they seem to want... well... more. Frankly, this all confuses me, so I'll probably just keep on keeping on. I just sometimes find it hard to decide if I should do what I'm comfortable with, or if these folks are all onto something.

Wow. That was rambling. Sorry about that. Late night.

[jcompton]

JC--Ah. Gotcha. I may just have to download that one now and investigate.

I'm pretty sure there's not REALLY a cake in it.

Judging from comments I've received on some of my other stuff (not on this forum, by e-mail), I think some readers feel that since this is a fantasy sort of world, there should be big, swooshy fantasy-style description going on. I don't know if they're language lovers or folks who need more direction in picturing the scenes, but they seem to want... well... more. Frankly, this all confuses me, so I'll probably just keep on keeping on. I just sometimes find it hard to decide if I should do what I'm comfortable with, or if these folks are all onto something.

I suspect Robert Jordan and his ghostwriters have a lot to do with it. I still say Zelazny's ghost should rise up and beat them up.

[Perdita]

...I think some readers feel that since this is a fantasy sort of world, there should be big, swooshy fantasy-style description going on.

I suggested to a friend who writes historical mysteries that IMO a reader of such expects lots of period color.  Now I'm not so sure of that.  Maybe she--and you--could challenge expectations by substituting something more entertaining than a lot of detail.

Frankly, this all confuses me, so I'll probably just keep on keeping on. I just sometimes find it hard to decide if I should do what I'm comfortable with, or if these folks are all onto something.

I think that if you work against your style, it will read as forced.  Unless a more fulsome style is something you want to cultivate, then by all means, try it out.      For myself, I know that there are lots of people who excel at description, introspection, twisty plots, and such, but those aren't things I can do well or easily, so I stick with what I believe to be my strengths, dialogue and characterization, and hope people won't notice that they don't know what the characters look like or where they are.   

I suspect Robert Jordan and his ghostwriters have a lot to do with it. I still say Zelazny's ghost should rise up and beat them up.

Amen.   

Cyn

[Kirwond]

I'm pretty sure there's not REALLY a cake in it.

Spoilsport.  Maybe I should learn how to mod, so I can put a bakery in Faerun. Cakes For Villains.

I suspect Robert Jordan and his ghostwriters have a lot to do with it. I still say Zelazny's ghost should rise up and beat them up.

I wish. That would at least stop them from putting out another WoT book.

I think that if you work against your style, it will read as forced.  Unless a more fulsome style is something you want to cultivate, then by all means, try it out.      For myself, I know that there are lots of people who excel at description, introspection, twisty plots, and such, but those aren't things I can do well or easily, so I stick with what I believe to be my strengths, dialogue and characterization, and hope people won't notice that they don't know what the characters look like or where they are.   

Thanks, Cyn. That's very reassuring to hear. I spent today trying out a swooshy style, just to see how it worked. I didn't feel the urge to throw up when I re-read the pages, so that was a good sign. Still don't think I'll be switching over to that anytime soon.

[Bex]

Absolutely terrifying.

And there's no reason why a fantasy setting should call for high-falutin' fancy talk. Especially not if it rings false.

I am sad that Kirwond is not active here any longer. But if a new comment inspires someone to seek out and read an excellent story, I guess that's something.