The Terribly, Terribly Nice Mod
I think we can all agree that Baldur’s Gate II is perhaps a not very peaceful game. In fact, it is a game filled with unpleasant people who settle their conflicts through, well, violence. That is why I propose the Terribly, Terribly Nice Mod for Baldur’s Gate II, a Mod that will replace all of the violent, objectionable elements of the game with a much nicer approach to doing things.
Some Proposed Changes:
1) Torture. This is simply not nice at all. Instead of “torturing” CHARNAME and Imoen to unlock their potential, I propose that Irenicus has instead been holding warm, intimate enlightenment and self realization sessions with them, discussing their feelings and trying to help them to find the God or Goddess within.
2) Death. Death is very scary to the spiritually underdeveloped, and should be seen as a transition to a higher plane, the continuation of a great journey, rather than an ending of brain activity followed by physical decay and eventual consumption by a variety of crawly things. Death by violence can be particularly disturbing. Therefore, I propose that each unavoidable death scene in the game be followed by the appearance of a new, non-joinable NPC, Dr. Snuggles, who will provide grief counseling and emotional support to the NPCs and, through them, more sensitive players.
3) Combat. Now this is simply not something we should be showing the young. After all, all forms of violent conflict are things of the distant, unremembered past in the real world, so why traumatize a new generation of developing Adult Persons through exposure to such terrors? I would suggest that instead, all weapons in the game be replaced with happy, fluffy, cuddly stuffed animals, and all combat animations replaced with scenes of dancing and gentle play. Plot advancing combats may be replaced with tea parties and, in extreme cases, book review circle meetings, where those involved may engage in a free, fair and above all kind exchange of views until a unanimous consensus is reached.
4) Lord of Murder is just not a family friendly title at all. I would suggest that it be replaced with Lord of Playful Naughtiness.
Other suggestions for making Amn into a Lovely, Gentle place where everyone may be terribly, terribly happy are of course eagerly anticipated.