Author Topic: Comments on "Deadly Nightshade"  (Read 1070 times)

Offline Regullus

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Comments on "Deadly Nightshade"
« on: May 21, 2004, 10:47:46 PM »
    The story has an interesting and engaging beginning. Already your protagonist is attractive and believable. I will look forward to further postings. 

    On the negative, some of the sentences could use some minor re-structuring and there are several small spelling errors, ie, "wears" and it should be wares, etc.

  I think your story has an excellent start in cohesion. In no way am I trying to be disrespectful with my criticisms.  I find your past and present efforts to be  interesting, enjoyable and original. :) I always look forward to a "Domi" story!


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Re: Comments on "Deadly Nightshade"
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2004, 04:00:44 PM »
Oh, thank you.  :) I'd really like to teach myself how to write better, so I appreciate insightful comments. No, critisism is never off-putting.

Offline Kirwond

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Re: Comments on "Deadly Nightshade"
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2004, 11:54:23 AM »
Poor naive Ladim. :( But I'm sure this minor setback won't hurt him for long.

I'm enjoying the story so far, and I hope to see another chapter soon!
"Yes, I remember Avalon," he said, "a place of silver and shade and cool waters, where the stars shone like bonfires at night and the green of day was always the green of spring. Youth, love, beauty--I knew them in Avalon. Proud steeds, bright metal, soft lips, dark ale."
--Roger Zelazny


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