I admit... pure silliness. Utterly and completely goofy. It was written totally as a mental purge, to eliminate a certain pun that would not go away. Features Keto and Xan, with Kelsey, Kivan and Minsc playing supporting roles.
Enjoy, and comment if you like.
*****
Before I even opened my eyes, I could tell the day was going to be beautiful -- calm winds, warm sun, that gorgeous partly cloudy with high fluffy clouds like a Calimshite dessert and the barest chance of a brief, cooling and gloriously cracking thunderstorm right around suppertime. In other words, a day that can't be bought and must be enjoyed.
And my Goddess loves me. We had the day off... Cromwell had Minsc and Kivan down at the smithy at oh my goddess it's early to work on ... boy-stuff. Which made them happy-happy. We wouldn't be able to leave for Brynnlaw until that stuff was done, and besides, the boat (okay, SHIP) won't be ready until the end of the week. So... that leaves us with a day to shop, to relax, to ... be human.
And dammit, I am going to take it. Even if I'm not, strictly speaking, human.
"We're doomed," Xan muttered from the adjoining room, presumably when he saw the same sun I had just reveled in.
Oh yeah. I definitely needed a break.
Don't get me wrong. I love the man. On many levels and probably throughout time. It's hard not to love anyone who manages to stick beside you through some of the worst possible of icky sitches, and Xan is infinitely lovable even without that loyalty. Even his flaws are lovable, since they arise from an excess of empathy, a deep and wide intellect and the ability to look at the world without too much denial or flinching. How many other people, let alone Bhaalspawn, are afflicted with the kind of excess of empathy I have, after all? There don't seem to be a lot that go into the helpful clergy. The fact that he's got enough empathy to give me what I need... It shows he's got a really big heart. (Well, not physically huge, because then I'd be leaving him in better healers' hands than mine, since I'm a trauma cleric, not a chronic conditions one. But you get the metaphor.)
And yes, I'll admit that before we stumbled upon Xan when we went to pay our thrice-damned fee to the Cowlies, I was thinking I might start up something with Kelsey. He's cute, and he's got a lot of the same qualities that keep me tied to Imoen and Xan. But that several hundred years of life problem I have... it definitely discourages one from making short-timer relationship choices. Besides, he will be so perfect for Im that I'd feel like an utter slut if I didn't kept my hands off.
And... well, I am fate's plaything. I'd been flirting with the sorcerer and feeling a little slimy for playing with him, knowing that it can't work when the goddess reminds me that I once had he whom I need by putting him right in front of me. No one ever gets out of a bond.
This group of people are my family. Xan's my... beloved even if I can't get him into my bed. Kivan and Minsc are the brothers I always wanted. Kelsey, too. Keto's running a close second to Im on the sisterhood front. And Im. Always Im.
I miss Imoen like a lost tooth. She's that part of me that's just not here right now and it hurts. She's my sister, even if we're living on radically different clocks, and she is and always has been the person I went to when I needed to talk, to play, to chatter... We shared a cradle, and now that she's gone from my life, I realize that she, more than Gorion or any of the monks of Candlekeep, or our wetnurses or anyone I've ever known... Imoen is the one who made me human.
I know that, as a genetic elf, I should still be in something like diapers. (Why this is, I don't really understand; If I could learn to read at five and wash dishes and make my bed, what makes elves raised with elves different?) And there's the fact that I was fully grown at 20, unlike most elves. Competition with Im? Always wanting to do what my sister was doing? You bet. I guess Gorion knew what he was doing - after all, he knew I'd need to be able to take care of myself a lot sooner than a century or so out, and so he forced me like a hothouse lily. It may mean that living amongst elves is not my cuppa, but as prep for a life of survival? It can't be beat.
My one chore on the most beautiful day in months was to go find Yoshimo and rehire him. Whether I wanted him around or not, he is a good fighter, a damn good thief and the man knows traps. The day after we contracted for our ship, Kivan admitted that he gets sea-sick and I just can't put anyone through that level of misery. He'll be here when we get back. If we get back. But that was my only task and that would take no time. So I rousted Keto, shoved dark glasses on her face, and we headed for Haludak's.
We skipped the greasy breakfast the Mithrest offers (for such a nice place, they sure do keep a hideous cook... but better than that racist harpy next door with the tiefling prejudice) and got lattes and muffins and sat in that beautiful sunlight on the steps overlooking the Promenade. "What are you thinking, Ari?" Keto asked when she had enough caffeine in her system to combat her lovely little hangover.
"Xan. As always."
"You got it so bad..." she smiled as she shook her head. "What is it with you two?"
"I think it's an elf thing..." I really am not about to tell her what kisses on eartips do to an elf. I'm not sure I could explain. "Besides the fact that I've known him for almost as long as I've known anyone... except Imoen and Minsc."
"But even given that it's an elf thing, which I am not prepared to understand but will take as read, we've run into dozens of elves, and most of them are not convinced that every day will bring their destruction." She paused, and thought for a long moment. "Then again...maybe it is an elf thing. Never mind. Sometimes I get the distinct impression that Xan is totally underwhelmed by your competence, which considering your daily demonstration of said abilities, is a little ... well... blind."
"He is a couple of centuries older than I am... In his experience, I'm a kid."
"That doesn't seem to stop him from cuddling up. though." She looked stricken for a second. "He's not into... that, is he?"
"No." I reddened slightly, and was happy to be in the sun that would mask that flush. "On that count, at least, I've convinced him that I'm a full adult."
She thought for a while, sipping at her coffee. "Having been mostly around humans, I'm going out on a limb here. There's a certain kind of human adolescent that goes through nihilism and pessimism as a phase. For some reason, bards attract them like flies to an orog. So I've seen a lot of these kids. All doom and gloom, black clothes and black hair dye. But they mostly grow out of it. Xan reminds me of those kids. But shouldn't he have grown out of it?"
"There is the Moonblade," I admitted. "Getting bonded to one of those things is like... getting all of your free will taken away. It pretty much upset his life and took him over. Those are kind of hard to get over."
She grimaced. "Still, the fact that he wakes up each morning should be some level of proof that destruction isn't waiting on every corner."
I sighed, and had to agree. "But love is what it is. Even when there are mornings when I want to kick him."
Keto hesitated, then said quickly, like she had to get it all out before I could stop her, "I think he's sick."
"No... He's healthy." I should know. None of my family will ever suffer while I've got hands at the ends of my arms and the breath to pray.
"I mean, mentally. Can't you do something about it? It's like he casts Emotion on himself and can't get past it. He's always anxious."
I had to admit she was right, but even I can't do anything about that. "I may be a healer, but I'm not that kind of healer."
"Does he ever relax?" Keto asked. "When you two are on one of your walks?"
I turned my face back toward the sun, hoping that the bright light would mask any blush that would come up. "He can relax, but it's not easy and it's never for long," I said. "Doom's kinda always there."
"But it's not. We've had some major victories."
"But I see his point. Victories, yes, but there's always the next task in the campaign, and our campaign is just a battle in a much bigger war. The chances aren't always very good."
Keto sighed. "He reminds me of a song in a play I once saw. Raelis' players weren't the only plane-hopping actors this city's seen. My parents took me to one about a revolution once, and there was this song -- "
"A play... about a revolution... with songs?! Who would stage that?!" I interrupted.
She rolled her eyes. "You would so not believe some of the stuff that passes itself off as theater. But this play - I think it was called something about misery - had this song with all of these people thinking about what tomorrow would bring. The young lovers are all twittering about being separated, the old man is worrying that he's going to get arrested, there's another girl feeling all forlorn, and a bunch of students -- anyway, you and Xan are like that song. You are willing to take whatever tomorrow brings, be it revolution or destruction of a nice cup of tea, while Xan will take tomorrow only as something to be endured. And I guess, in the large scale, that's true. I gotta give him that. He's definitely a big picture man. I'm a detail girl, myself. We win today, I'm happy today. I get to drink tonight and sing and collect some stories and feed my plot addiction. I'm not going to worry that, because we won today, we have to go do something worse tomorrow. But Xan..."
"My Xan sees each victory as only a increase in the challenge and difficulty of the Big Bad that's eventually going to chomp on us all, leaving Xan quite thoughtfully for dessert. My Xan in a breath." I sighed and went back inside for more coffee and muffins.
When I came back out with our refilled mugs, Keto was laying back on her elbows with her face turned towards the sun. "Anxiety's one of those big hairy monsters that just stalks you, you know?"
"Yeah," I agreed. I know something about anxiety. And grief. And loss of freedom. "We've both been in the place where the wheel meets the road, so maybe that's a reason I love him. It's easier to love someone who lives in the same fire and has an eye out for the same hairy monster you do."
Keto turned her head and looked hard at me. "Is that love or is it empathic pity?"
I had to phrase that one carefully. "In someone else, it would be empathic pity. With Xan, it's part of the package."
"But you've spent a good two years now in the dark place, and yet, here you are. You're not living in the dark place... it's just where you go to work. Xan, though... he's painted it, hung some art, bought a rug, lost his security deposit and the dark place smells like him. Not so good." She paused, then said hurriedly, "Not that Xan smells bad - he doesn't - it's that the dark place isn't good for him. I don't think it's healthy."
I nodded; I'd gotten that. I soaked in some sun and closed my eyes so that I wouldn't tear up. I didn't want my day to turn into WeepFest. "I... I don't want him to think that I don't love him. I don't want him to believe that I think he needs to be fixed."
"But don't you want him to be the best Xan he can be? This dark place he lives in... it can't be good for him."
"Keto, I can't fix him."
"Then maybe we should look for something that can heal that way."
It was a thought. After all, we had a day with nothing more to do than wander, hire a new thief, and enjoy the day.
Yoshimo agreed -- after I settled him up with Hendak. 437 gold. Ouch. I'm glad Hendak likes me and feels some sort of gratitude, else it would have been steeper. Then we went down to Cromwell to see how the upgrades were going. He was almost finished with a couple of pieces; when he stepped away from the forge to cool down a bit, I decided to ask him if he knew any specialists who could help me help Xan.
"So tell me the problem again, me girl?" He asked.
"Xan's convinced he's doomed, that everything we're doing is for naught, and that he's going to have to watch me die terribly, just before he himself is tortured to death." That about sums it up.
"Hm." Cromwell picked up one of our blades and stropped it against a piece of leather, thinking. "I might be able to do something if he'll bring that blade of his in. Moonblades can sometimes get... well... out of whack."
I winced at the pun. "No can do."
"Well... If you can get your hands on some garnets, some star sapphires, a ring of Human Influence, a bottle or two of healing potions, and a scroll of resist fear..." He shrugged. "Can't say it'll be cheap, and no guarantees, but I can't think of any healers who do what your young man needs, lass, and it's not really a mage's job, either."
"Done." Keto and I left and went shopping.
Do you know how hard it is to find gems in Athkatla? I swear, the only ones around are the ones we pawned, and buying them back cost us, but that little excursion to the Windspear Hills was lucrative... as well as almost deadly. Xan's not wrong on that. Still, if Cromwell could turn my sweet, insecure, paranoid beloved into someone who could look at morning light without wanting to slit his wrists or gargle with wolfsbane...
By the time we got back, all of the stuff we'd ordered from Cromwell was pretty much done. He had an apprentice working on one blade and another one filing the points of Minsc's mace, but the work would be done by morning. I'm glad he likes us; not every group of adventurers who walk in his door and plop down a lot of gold get rush treatment. He's kind of like Domingo Montoya that way.
"Now me young songbird, while I'm at the forge, ye need to sing like you're headed to battle," Cromwell said to Keto. "This is going to take all the skill I can manage, and yer voice will make an old man happy and content."
Keto pulled round her harp and started one of her favorites. I settled in for a long night.
Disaster struck at half past one in the morning. Cromwell had forgot to check that he had a dagger in stock with the proper enchantments. When he realized he didn't have one, he had the quenching solution prepped, and said that it wouldn't last until morning when we could get one off of Ribald. "But... I do have this axe that has the right enchantments, and I think I can convince it that it's a dagger, so yer man can use it pretty well." He refunded part of our money, but by that point, I was willing to give it a try.
As dawn broke, the weapon was finished. "It may have side effects," Cromwell warned. "I've never tried to make something that improved morale, prevented fear, healed the mind and made a body calm. Good luck!"
And I hope it works. After all, Xan's problem really is anxiety, and Cromwell built the Xan-axe as a specific for just that condition.
Topic: A Nice Day Off (Read 4334 times)
