Action Text and abuses thereof

[jcompton]

It is generally held to be my fault that there is now fairly widespread use of action-text in BG mods.

Therefore, I thought I would offer a few comments on what I have wrought.

1--The "radio script" format of the core game's style is actually a very powerful medium. Use it whenever possible. Sound effects, voice, and dialogue, plus the cutscene scripting capabilities of the game, give you a great many options when you're trying to convey action. Don't race to a parenthetical block just because you think the character might want to scratch his nose.

A great deal of action can be conveyed through tone. If a character is being sarcastic with us, we _know_ she's rolling her eyes. If a character is snarling threats at us, we KNOW that he looks unfriendly. You don't need to tell us. Action-text is most delightful and most fulfilling when it tells us something we wouldn't already know, or conveys something in a level of detail that spoken words simply won't--an unspoken look, a feeling, a sensation, or something entirely unexpected.

2--When used to introduce new action or new characters, action-text is generally weaker than your other options. There's an unsettling trend where new situations or new characters are immediately given long action-text description blocks. Again, rather than racing to the action-text, use the tools already at your disposal! You have a portrait slot--use it. You have the capability to add voice--use it. There's a lot that can be communicated about the character or the action going on than something explicitly laid out in action-text, and it leaves more to the player's imagination. I have a hard time taking an NPC seriously if they're introduced to me with action-text. And, again, it's generally quite unnecessary to the task of introducing the character.

For a great example of a richly painted introduction without action-text, look at the Keto meeting dialogue. Blue paints a terrific picture of what Keto is doing there, how she's doing it, and how the crowd is reacting to her, without using a single word of description.

3--Don't overdo it. Particularly in one state of dialogue. Keep your actions to one segment of the dialogue state--preferably the beginning or the end. The line gets very crowded, and squashes the importance of the spoken words, if you use more than one instance of action text on a line.

i.e.

Yes: "(Sally smiles sadly, and you see a tear begin to form in the corner of her eye.) It wasn't always this way."
or
Yes: "It wasn't always this way. (Sally smiles sadly, and you see a tear begin to form in the corner of her eye.)"

No: "(Sally smiles sadly.) It wasn't always this way. (You see a tear begin to form in the corner of her eye.)"

If you're tempted to put a bit of action between two spoken sentences in a longer monologue, split the state into two and either end the first or begin the second on the action.

3a--Be careful about switching between "muttering" and "action-text." Most action-text out there is done as (parenthetical blocks.) However, that's also used in game style for muttering (see Edwin.) Therefore, you really must be careful not to overlap them in a line, and in fact should probably try to steer clear of mixing them up much in the same dialogue.

I've seen lines like this show up, and they're very clumsy. "(Edwin sneers menacingly.) And just what would you have me do? Put on a clown suit and dance? Not in this lifetime. (Fools. A ringmaster's outfit, possibly. Never a clown!)"

The action here is really quite unnecessary anyway. In cases where you think it's more vital to retain both, split the line into two states. But it's still jarring to make the reader recondition themselves that quickly to what the parenthesis mean. Even if you choose a different format for conveying your actions, use restraint about stacking them in the same line, lest your dialogue states become cluttered messes of punctuation. Again--the radio script format is already very very powerful.

4--Vary your actions, and don't beat us over the head with the same one over and over. Okay. Let's say your NPC has a really unusual hook and you simply cannot convey that every time a character gets scared his eyeballs turn yellow and his fingernails splinter and steam rises from his kneecaps in any other way except action-text. This does not, however, mean that you need to be sure to tell us about it every single time he's frightened, particularly not using the same, or very similar, phrasing. It might be enough to hint, every so often, that he's waving away a wisp of vapor or buffing his nails after a harrowing encounter or whatever. If the hook's any good and worth having, players will remember it's an aspect of your character.

5--Action text is not the same thing as a stage/voice direction. I'll use a real-life example here from Crossmod Banter Pack V3:

== BE3FADE ~(Wistfully.)  Sometimes the Planes do call to me...  I've never really felt that I truly belong to the Prime.  But then, if not here, where?  The Abyss, where my demonic kin originate?~


(Wistfully.) isn't actually a sentence describing an action. If an author chose to only use this type of exposition, with directions such as (With feeling) or (Sotto voce) or (Whispered) or whatever, it would be one thing, but for the rest of the banter (and most of the rest of the time) Fade is using complete-sentence descriptions in the action text blocks. In my view, better than expanding this to "(Fade speaks wistfully.)" or whatever would be dropping it entirely--the line makes it fairly clear to the reader that she's full of wist.

***

Overall, my point is that in the context of a Baldur's Gate-style game, action text works best as a garnish where nothing else will do, not as a blanket.

[jcompton]

While I'm certain I'm guilty at times of using the "unnecessary actions" I scold others for, yes, I believe overall that I practice what I preach. While I've written some fairly lavishly actioned flirts, I think some of the most delightful of all are the ones as simple as "Mmmmph!"

[Bons]

Now, for my blather on action text:

Outside of a flirt, yes, it really should be used sparingly, and only when desperate measures are required. I say this because I have tried out several mods recently that seem to be swamped in it. Sometimes one must communicate without words, but if each sequence involves an actioned smile, giggle, sigh, blush, or darkened gaze, it devalues the importance of the event, and sometimes a caricature can evolve if the actions appear too frequently.

I remember playing one character where it felt like each time the NPC taked to my PC, they had to pause for a moment of silence, or give some kind of thoughtful/angsty/brooding/haunted stare. One occurence of this phenomenon, and it wouldn't have detracted from my gameplay in a noteable way, but as the actions repeated, I started to wonder how I should react to such a character who stared off into space so much. Real life concepts began to intrude -- Are they a stoner? Do they have ADD? If my PC is so important, talk to them! -- anyway, game immersion went downhill from there, because of the ubiquitousness of action text and the sense of repetition therein. This is an example of #4 above.

Likewise, it's wonky to see action text in lines that are voiced. I don't want to be told ~(Shemp gags.) I told you I didn't like noodles, <CHARNAME>! Why did you cook them?~ when the voice acting itself can convey that detail.

In summary, it feels like much stronger writing to me when I see:

~My breath... I cannot catch my breath! Please, take my hand. I could use your strength. Now, more than ever.~
=
~What is to become of us in this place, <CHARNAME>? Trapped, in the Abyss!~

Than when I see:

~(Shemp struggles to catch his breath, visibly shaken by your surroundings. He reaches desperately for your hand, seeking your strength.) What is to become of us in this place, <CHARNAME>? Trapped, in the Abyss!~

[Lu]

   I hope to see more of Compton's Guide to IE Modding soon enough. Perhaps, next chapters could cover
 various aspects of what a modder has to take into account, e.g. "Avoiding troubles caused by imperfect
 implementation of some triggers and actions (like CombatCounterGT(0) vs. !CombatCounter(0) and such)"
 or "How to make your NPC as much Bioware-like as possible"

[jcompton]

   I hope to see more of Compton's Guide to IE Modding soon enough. Perhaps, next chapters could cover
 various aspects of what a modder has to take into account, e.g. "Avoiding troubles caused by imperfect
 implementation of some triggers and actions (like CombatCounterGT(0) vs. !CombatCounter(0) and such)"
 or "How to make your NPC as much Bioware-like as possible"

Presuming you're not teasing me, you're among the very few who would be so bold as to actively encourage me to tell people how to write their mods.

[Lu]

Presuming you're not teasing me...

  I don't think that sharing your experience is the same as telling people what to do. E.g., I doubt I would ever
 consider the stuff mentioned in your posts here, if I hadn't read them. So I am 100% serious

[jcompton]

Added item #5 after seeing something new today.

[Kulyok]

Very useful, thank you.

I've a question that is close to using action text, but not quite:

Bioware used three ways to convey emotion, besides text itself:
1) "Oh, <CHARNAME>!"   or   "Ah, but you are wrong, my friend."
2) "(sigh) No, you won't, and you know it."
3) "How... how can you be so cruel!"   or   "It... it was... I am sorry, <CHARNAME>, I can speak of it no longer."

These appeal to me much more than action text. But, like action text, it can be abused and overdone. So, I would very much appreciate some opinions on where the line is. Yes, I know that for Aerie, using all three is more likely than for Jaheira. But on the average, if the said average exists, where is the happy medium?

And another thing: emphasizes. "I NEED you!" and  "I *need* you" stuff.  Personally, I feel twice per the mod is enough, if needed at all. But I would also appreciate opinions and\or advice.

Thank you.

[Kismet]

If you feel a line requires emphasis then I think you should add it without worrying about whether or not you've emphasized twice before.  Also, you have to remember that while you see all of the dialog, the average player will not, unless of course all of your dialog trees are identical.

[Kulyok]

Also, you have to remember that while you see all of the dialog, the average player will not, unless of course all of your dialog trees are identical.

Could you please clarify - do you mean that a player sees only a line at a time, and therefore I should care only about what appears on the screen each moment, or do you mean that while I see where the story will go, the player does not, so I should take care about not confusing the player?

Both recommendations are very useful, I just did not get your exact meaning.

[Kismet]

I meant that any particular dialog could go off in a number of directions and even if you put emphasis (or some other dialog quirk) in each direction, the player will only see the path that they choose.

NPC: <CHARNAME>, your eyes are like limpid pools of water.
PC1: Ugh, gag me. GOTO Gag
PC2: Tell me more, you sweet talker! GOTO Sweet
PC3: I think you need your eyes checked as mine happen to be brown. GOTO Brown

Gag
NPC: FINE!  No more romantic talk for you!

Sweet
NPC: Your hair is like golden silk and your skin is like alabaster.

Brown
NPC:  Oops!  Well, so they are.  I must have been thinking of some other girl.

[jcompton]

Somebody recently (maybe it was you, Kulyok) was looking at a dialogue sample and pointing out that it can be jarring when too much emphasis is placed in a single line, which is certainly true, and even if it's back-to-back it can be unsettling as well.

Honestly, this is one place where effective voice acting can be a real asset. If you know for sure how a character tends to sound when expressing certain emotions or using certain phrases, it's a lot less necessary to spell out every single possible stressed word.

But certainly "once or twice per character" is too harsh a restriction.

[Kulyok]

OK, thank you, Kismet. You've reassured me - I am doing the same with '(sigh)'s', not emphasizes, but I understand your point. I am still unsure how much is too much, though.

Yes, JC, it was me. I agree that twice per character might be too harsh - but I pointed it as my personal use only, and it may change. When I see it in other mods, once per dialogue, as I pointed it to Sir K, is all right for me.

[Deathsangel]

May I ask another opinion? I'm creating the Mod for the Wicked, as some may know. Besides two conversations in Ariena somewhere halfway I don't use complete lined action texts (in these two instances I wouldn't know how to do it otherwise (lifting someone of the ground and snapping a neck & discovering that someone walked away and you go after them.)). I do have created a character which grins a lot (Kido). I at first put it down as *grin* at every occascion. However *'s are used as an emphasis, so I wanted to put it down as (grin), (Kido grins as usuall), (Once again Kido grins widely). Do you think this wrong? For how do I convey that an annoying character is laughing at someone without him saying anything. He just stands there grinning, or at least that is what I want him to do.

[Borsook]

While I see that JC is probably right there, I must say I love mods with a lot of action-text... maybe I just prefer PST style...

[Ghreyfain]

(grin), (Kido grins as usuall), (Once again Kido grins widely). Do you think this wrong?

I think peppering them throughout your dialogue would look pretty bad.  Why not do it very rarely, but combine it with other tactics to convey to the player that he's grinning?  A grinning portrait, a line about him grinning all the time in his biography, and perhaps a chuckle or two in voiced lines, where appropriate.

[jcompton]

May I ask another opinion? I'm creating the Mod for the Wicked, as some may know. Besides two conversations in Ariena somewhere halfway I don't use complete lined action texts (in these two instances I wouldn't know how to do it otherwise (lifting someone of the ground and snapping a neck & discovering that someone walked away and you go after them.)). I do have created a character which grins a lot (Kido). I at first put it down as *grin* at every occascion. However *'s are used as an emphasis, so I wanted to put it down as (grin), (Kido grins as usuall), (Once again Kido grins widely). Do you think this wrong? For how do I convey that an annoying character is laughing at someone without him saying anything. He just stands there grinning, or at least that is what I want him to do.

As Ghrey says, yes, it's a lot more effective if you give the player the strong impression that this is the sort of person who always has a smile plastered across his face. In certain moments where it would be very inappropriate/incongruous for him to do so, it may well be worth reinforcing... but yes, just slapping (grin) into every other line of text would be unfortunate indeed.

[Pigeon]

While I see that JC is probably right there, I must say I love mods with a lot of action-text... maybe I just prefer PST style...

You're a bad man.

[Princeps]

jcompton and Bons: Cum laude approbatur!

Very good advise indeed. While some authors pull the action text thing off better than others, action texts do break the pace, and are at worst both unnecessary and obtrusive. I would advise writers to trust the words themselves, and not least the imagination of the reader/player. Every reader/player will interpret the character and the lines just a little differently from the other (and from you as authors!) anyway, no matter how much you strive to control their interpretation.

JC wrote:

I've seen lines like this show up, and they're very clumsy. "(Edwin sneers menacingly.) And just what would you have me do? Put on a clown suit and dance? Not in this lifetime. (Fools. A ringmaster's outfit, possibly. Never a clown!)"

The action here is really quite unnecessary anyway.[...]

One way to compensate for removing the action text in this line would be to put a stress on the word 'what':

"And just WHAT whould you..." as if the word was spat out. Personaly, I think that emphasis and pause (...) used with care and moderation are very useful tools that help lines come alive.

Kulyok wrote:

These appeal to me much more than action text. But, like action text, it can be abused and overdone. So, I would very much appreciate some opinions on where the line is. Yes, I know that for Aerie, using all three is more likely than for Jaheira. But on the average, if the said average exists, where is the happy medium?

I would say that you have given a large part of the answer yourself: it depends on the character speaking, and the situation (emotional stress, etc.). So I very much agree with Kismet.

One way to illustrate actions, moods, and tones of voice is to have them reflected in the lines of other speakers. A good example from Keto: @1450 = ~There's lingering pain in the girl's voice that she cannot mask from a mother's ear. Dare we hope she is the one we seek?~ [PGMOMD9]

Beware, however, not to get too detailed, like: "Hey, Glorry my friend, why are you coating your dagger in poison, chuckling maliciously to yourself, trying to hide in the shadows, and sneak behind my back? You've made me really curious!" That is a baaad line... unless the PC has Int 4 or something... or unless Glorry has Int 4 and the PC is being ironical.

I'll make another example. I'm writing dialogues for an old, elven NPC of mine. It's just for my own amusement, and I very much doubt that he will ever become an NPC mod. Anyway, for certain reasons Gílwain (as is his name, he is an F/T or Stalker) will not be friendly with Edwin, at least not initially. This is a scene from an inn when the party rests, after Edwin has had his little Nether Scroll mishap:

EDWINA: Zzzzzz…
GÍLWAIN: Hello, beautiful!
EDWINA: Uh, wha…!
(Thump!)
EDWINA: Ughh!
GÍLWAIN: There, love, so much better. Now you just bite this nice rag, and everything will be just fine.
Left hand there… right hand…No, come now, it’s the nicest little cord; it goes so well with your skin. Ah, there we are, fine.
EDWINA: Mmmm, mmm…
GÍLWAIN: So, Edwina, there we go. Comfy, are we? Oh, that’s a nasty bruise on your forehead, there… Tsk, tsk, you should be more careful, Weena, darling.
EDWINA: Mmm-hm-mmm!
GÍLWAIN: Yes… yes, I’m sure you’re right; eloquently put, love.
And now I have a gift for you. A nice gift, suitable for a red-blooded lady like you. Now, let Morisil caress your sweet neck.
EDWINA: Mmm-HMMM!
GÍLWAIN: (singing softly) Come again! Sweet love doth now invite thy graces that refrain to do me due delight. To see, to hear, to touch, to kiss, to die with thee again in sweetest sympathy…

(Morisil is Gílwain's dagger, and the song is by John Dowland). Here I have tried to convey through the dialogue itself that Gílwain gags Edwina and binds her hands to her bed, and that Edwina tries to resist as he binds her right hand. That the "(Thump!)" indicates that Gílwain hit her should be obvious by her groan which follows, but is emphasised by the mention of the bruise later. Edwina's increasing agitation is showed by how her muffled lines end, first with "...", then with an exclamation mark, then with emphasis and exclamation mark.

I could have written a lot of action text here, but I think it works fine without it. Alright, so the reader will not know what Gílwain hit Edwina with, but it is not important. It should be obvioius that he sneaked silently into the room as he is a stealth guy. It is much more likely that Edwina is asleep than that she is doing a bee impersonation. And so on. I think the fact that the reader has to fill in some gaps by him-/herself actually adds to the tension in the scene, while inserted action texts would have broken the rhytm. It is only when I have no other option that I finally resort to an action line: "(singing softly)", and that could be taken care of by voicing. Well, sorry for being long-winded and for the shameless self-promotion, but I find the example instructive, and the text was easily accessible.

What? If he raped Edwina or just wanted to scare her? Now, that's off topic.

[Zyraen]

Princeps : lol where can I download that Mod with Gilwain? If he's in the works please finish him ASAP, heh.

[Princeps]

Princeps : lol where can I download that Mod with Gilwain? If he's in the works please finish him ASAP, heh.

I have 20-odd pages of dialogue, a half-written background story, some basic plot and interaction ideas, a portrait I like, a few cre-files and two custom items. (pauses briefly to scratch his head)  Now I only need a co-developer, some co-writers, a coder or two, a steady supply of beer... (buries his face in his hands and moans miserably)  But I do work on it now and then, that I do. Thanks for the encouragement.

[Pigeon]

Yes, please do release it. I like it when my party members rape each other.

[Kulyok]

I have 20-odd pages of dialogue, a half-written background story, some basic plot and interaction ideas, a portrait I like, a few cre-files and two custom items. (pauses briefly to scratch his head)  Now I only need a co-developer, some co-writers, a coder or two, a steady supply of beer... (buries his face in his hands and moans miserably)   But I do work on it now and then, that I do. Thanks for the encouragement.

Whatever you do, don't employ a co-writer for the character himself. It may (or, rather, *will*) screw him entirely, and I should know. One author with the strong vision of the character is much, much better.

[Deathsangel]

To get back at what I wrote. He indeed has a grinning portrait and it is made obvious he is just such a character. I don't put (frin) in every other conversations, but I still think a good 10 to 15 % I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the opinions Ghreyfain and JC

[Lu]

(I guess this old thread is the proper place for my question)

  What do you guys think of using parenthesis and action text in a dialog where once in a while two of the participants exchange phrases not for the third to hear?
  To make my question clear, here's a conversation held by a guy and two girls (the particular words are just some crap of no importance, of course)

Guy: ~(By Sharess, these are two hot chicks!)  I greet you, fair ladies

1st chick: ~And greetings to you, good sir~

2nd chick: ~Wassup, man?~

Guy: ~Will you go out with me?~

2nd chick: ~(What do you think?)~

1st chick: ~(I... I don't know. He's a perfect stranger)~

2nd chick: ~(Oh, c'mon!) We'd love to, my lord~
etc

  Here the guy's part in the parenthesis is what he says to himself. The rest phrases in the parenthesis are what gals say to each other (whispering, I guess)

  So, will it be better to use action text instead, like

2nd chick: ~(whispers)  What do you think?~
1st chick: ~(whispers)  I... I don't know. He's a perfect stranger

or even
2nd chick: ~(whispers to 1st chick)  What do you think?~
etc

  Then I'll probably have to split the last block, however, like

2nd chick:
 ~(whispers)  Oh, c'mon!~
 =
 ~ We'd love to, my lord~